H told me that about a week and a half ago (we were currently separated and him talking to other people) that he was making the decision to stop talking to people and he was going to write things down and talk to me in a couple days about what we can do to work on our marriage, he had wanted to fix it. That night though I had found out about him physically cheating on me for the first time in our marriage, obviously it was a few weeks back, and I didnt bring it up calmly, I pretty much woke him in the middle of the night screaming (I know i didn't handle that well) and after that night he had decided to be officially done.
This is called gaslighting. He's trying to shift the blame to you. DO NOT BUY IT. He was already cheating and ready to leave. He's trying to make you feel guilty.
Of course waking him up in the middle of the night is not the best move... but also give yourself a break! He cheated on you and you were super angry. I have actually done the exact same thing more than once throughout all this mess. I'm not proud of it but I had a right to be angry... and you do too. If your H says he changed his mind about staying in the M because you were angry that he cheated? C'mon. I'm calling BS on this one and you should too.
Originally Posted by artemis
But he did say if I came up with a Separation plan he was happy with, he would hold off on the divorce and try it.
Do you WANT to separate? If so, come up with the best, most favorable to you plan that you can. If not... I agree with CW. Why are you doing all the work for something you don't want? Let him figure his $hit out.
My H and I talked a lot about separating and I read a ton about it too. Here's my thought on this-- don't try to engineer some situation where you think he isn't going to be seeing other women while you are separated. He ABSOLUTELY is. What is the difference between S and D to you? Paperwork? Are you sure that the D wouldn't be a better option financially?
Remember-- you can't control him. Trying to put together a separation plan with restrictions on his behavior is not going to work. You only control you.
Originally Posted by artemis
I am going to focus on myself and my son and getting back to who I am and the things I love.
This is terrific! Do it! What are all the things you love that you want to get back to? Tell us about your son too. What are three cool things you can do for yourself and your son this weekend?
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
