Here's the deal. My H was having an active affair while living in our home. And telling me every day how much he wanted to leave me and how miserable he was. I stood for my MR. I am the last person who would say this marriage is unsalvagable run for the hills. I'm just telling you what my gut says based on the information. But you want this. And you want to stand so stand. My questions to you weren't posed as saying you need to go. My questions were posed because you truly need to be able to articulate why you want to keep this together 1) so we complete strangers on the internet can understand you and what's going on better 2) because if you can't articulate why you want this so badly other than love or fear there very likely isn't anything in this marriage to save 3) entering IC and/or MC you're going to need to know this, and be able to articulate it.
You keep on keeping on. You stand as long as you want to stand. You from here on out will have to do what's best for you in the timeline that's best for you. However please seriously give some thoughts to my questions.
~ Why do you want to keep this marriage together? What are the reasons besides you loving him that makes you feel it's important and necessary to save this marriage?
~ Why does this man deserve your love? What is that he is/has/does that can make you say I could forgive him if he asked me to and put in the work to keep this relationship going?
If you're going to fight for the MR you need to know the reasons and so do we.
As far as relationship talks, it's advised against because 9 times out of 10 the LBS will not come out emotionally ok on the other side. Yes boundaries need to be set while you are both living in the home. But he's "just friends" with a woman he's chatting with that you have no proof of either way. You don't know her. And my guess is that he barely knows her as well. Unless that woman is his friend from childhood and she's been around your entire relationship and supportive of both of you he has no reason to have her as a friend. He has a lot of reasons to keep you and "friend" waiting in the wings for him though. You give him absolutely everything and he gives you at best tepid friendly interactions that seem to stem out of fear he'll be alone more than actual fear of losing you. So as of right now there are no boundaries. He's allowed to do as he pleases while you stay physically, mentally and emotionally attached to him.
~What's your plan for boundaries given the situation? ~What topics are you planning on covering in this R talk?
I'm not trying to be harsh at all or hurt your feelings. But the fact that you're not at least a little angry or suspicious of H really worries me. I just don't understand why he gets to make selfish decision after selfish decision and you can't do one thing just for you, for your peace of mind, for your emotional well being like telling him he can't "talk" to other women if he plans on sleeping next to you every night. Just with an EA I was ready to smash my H's headlights in. Granted I hit anger way before sadness. He's hurt you multiple times don't you think you deserve to make the rules and run the show here?
