Hello again, lovely people! No progress on the pension or in general. It has been about a month since H wanted to talk about an agreement and said he would give me pension info and that he was planning on amending the filing. The talkative, super friendly H who’s been around for the past six months is back to the one who wears headphones much of the time and says little.
May, thank you for stopping by! I so hope things are going well at your new job and with your family. I need to see if you’ve updated.
The financial advisor said we really just need to do a qdro—why is H dragging his heels, there’s no question that I will get my portion of the pension, etc. With no assets, he does not think it’s possible for H to offer a payout. I emailed our retirement department to see if I could get a copy of H’s statement last week but haven’t heard anything back. Statements are online, so no chance of looking through old mail.
My IC recommends now I just reach out to my L and have her contact H’s L and try to get things moving. She too sees the pattern of H saying he’ll do something or give me something snd then doing nothing. For two years. I’m filled with this feeling of dread now and then that nothing will ever move forward, because he’s not able to act—for the last two years his room has been a disaster, trash bags he never takes out, etc. To me it’s another outward symbol of his avoidance and MLC. If he can’t bring himself to take out his trash, how will he ever finish a D? As you know, there are lots more fun things to take up an MLCer’s time.
I could try to approach him one more time. “H, my L is asking for an update. What should I tell her?” Or, “Where are you at with amending the (annulment) filing to a D so we can get this settled?”
Or I could just contact my L and see if she wants to talk to his L or try to send over an offer.
Any thoughts on either path?
I spend too much time thinking about whether H will get angry again and drag this out more somehow, make a simple situation more difficult. But then I remember he is already doing just that. Should I fear what is already happening?
Having returned from a visit to see family, having for the first time in 1 1/2 years had real physical distance from H and this place, surrounded by people who love me, i feel much the same way Sage does. I accept the D. I accept that H is out of reach now and for the indefinite future. I like the life I am making on my own. I’m excited to see how much lighter my days could be without his shadow in the house.
