Okay so I got Divorce Remedy about 2 weeks ago. And I really have needed to share my story amd talk to others who get this. My friends and family just want me to let go and I cant tell them about this as they would never understand.
So first I'll start by saying that my husband and I have been together for 4 and a half years. Married for a year and a half now. My husband has cheated on me all of 3 times now. One was a year into our relationship he talked to a OW for 2 days then told her he was in a relationship and ended it. So it was short but it really shook me as ive been cheated on before alot. And I dont believe we ever truly completely healed from that due to not doing the work necessary. I never truly trusted him 100% and over the years I had some issues with spying on him a bit, just with LIFE360 which we both did for safety reason and looking at his phone. Honestly I didint even see it as a privacy issue it just became a habit for and my husband never really communicated effectively with me that he was having issues with it either. After months and months of build up he would just explode about it. Anyways in November of 2020 he talked to a woman for 2 months, they never met up but they talked every day, mainly just about their days, the OW hadnt known he was married and he had ended it right before she found out. So February was when I found out and we had been working on trust since then again. Now me and my husband have been in a good place for a few months, good times and all, making plans, he got a new job and put me on all his benefactor stuff everything which was in May so everything seemed fine.
Then it happened, my husband was working an event and I was there, a rodeo, we ran into eachother and all was good. Later in the night there was a little miscommunication where he had thought I had left and I hadnt so he had asked me if I was there, I replied back. Then he got chewed out my his boss for being on his phone. I had found him a few minutes after and he basically yelled and flipped out on me about still being there and told me "its like your just here to spy on me" I tried explaining to him that I wasnt and I was just trying to enjoy the event but he was in his mood so I devided to leave. That's the event before he came home and told me he thought we should seperate for awhile. We decided to make a time to decide our rules for it. He said he only wanted 2 weeks, etc. And that the time was for us to get space and was NOT for talking to other people. Well it never happened as the first day of the separation I found out he had made a Tinder and confronted him. He wouldnt ever really talk to me about it specfically and just said he was done. Said he wanted a divorce. That was about 3 weeks ago. Since then we have slept in the same bed, cuddled, even have had sex a few times. He invited me to a family dinner and talked about our future to people so I thought maybe the divorce was out of anger and we were okay. He even drank a bit and said dinner and after told me that "I make him so happy and that I was beautiful and we were going to work on my future now" (Little backstory my husband did 6 months for basic and AIT and I had to put my career on hold for helping him through that and until he got the police job he wanted). Anyways so the a few days later we had a relationship talk and he said he wants to start talking to a lawyer. And I was completely shocked, I had thought we were good, I tried bringing up the night he told me those things but he just said "he doesnt remember them" so basically that he doesn't recognize that he said those things. My husband is a pessimist (tells me that himself) so he has been rewriting our marriage alot lately yo make it seems bad. Anyways I of course pleaded with him yo give us longer, to consider separation and he wouldn't even discuss them. For the last week or 2 he has worked constantly so we havent talked much more about anything. I havent even gotten yo talk to him about why he wants a divorce and what problems he feels we have.
Also I found out about a week ago he had sex with another woman who he hasnt talked to since she found out he was married. When I confronted him about it I was hurt and mad, he immediately got his keys and wallet and drove to his moms, he wouldnt talk to me at all about. The one questions I asked him was "Are you sure about the divorce because your not in love with me anymore or because you dont think I'll ever forgive you for this? And he said "a bit of both" which I replied "so you dont love me? And he said "I do love you. And drove off Now we were technically separated I guess since he said hes 100% sure about divorce. But during this time we were in the same bed and having sex still. Now obviously I am hurt to my core about all of this but since then I havent brought it up. I decided for myself to forgive him and let I go, at least for noe. Now I know he has a Tinder and has been talking to other people I'm sure.
Tad bit about my husband, I am 27, he is 24. I was his first kiss and everything. He was homeschooled and very sheltered by his very controlling mother. I do not complain about mothers ever and I have always encouraged their relationship. She even watches my 7 year old son. But she is the most judgmental people I know. She has 4 sons. My husband is then only one that even talks to her. As in like years and years. She hates anyone her son's date as she wants them to be all about her. So for our entire relationship she has bad mouthed me, even when she didny know me to him and he has always ignored her. But as we know hearing someone say things loudly over and over for years things can seep in. I truly believe my husband was considering trying for our marriage right before I confronted him about the OW he had sex with, but after that he stayed at his moms and I believe in the state he was in her words resonnated in him now. Since then he has told me he wants a divorce and he wants us to get a lawyer. That's the only discussion we have had on the subject which was about a week ago I'd say.
Now I have decided I am going to DB to the very end. Its been hard but I have kept my faith. Today it is starting to waiver. Though we have still been in the bed my husband has started to kiss me less and has said "we need to stop sleeping together, it confuses things" I dont know if he means more for me having hope or for him. My husband is acting differently which hurts and I know its his guilt over the cheating and the only 2 people he has in his ears are against marraige and encourage sleeping around and freedom. Which I know doesnt help, he's never seen a good marriage before. Anyways this is my story thus far, I know its alot and I apologize, I hope some will read this as I really need help, I wanted to give alot of info as to give a rounded story of us.
Side note: We were texting some stuff and I sent his these funny picture and he texted me "I love the [censored] out of you" only few days ago.
Few questions I have:
Should I be having sex and sleeping with him? There's not much in the book on this, especially since he's talking to other women. But I'm conflicted, sex gives intimacy and cuddling does to so part of me feels like I should keep doing these things as he allows to have our intimacy still there. But alot of methods say to detach and not pursue etc. So I'm worried that maybe I shouldnt be giving him these things. Just not sure what the best course of action is for my situation. Help!
Any tips or advice is very much appreciated.
Also almost every day he has told me he loves me and that I'm his Best Friend still.
