It appears you have found balance with this situation for the present time. And I suspect you and the boys want to remain in the home.D
Yes, I have finally found my balance, and indeed, I would like to remain in the house. The most important thing for the children is that where they are, I am too, where we live matters less to them.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Do uncouple these two. Not selling because H is not breaking boundaries. Remain in the house because you want too. Because it makes good financial sense. Because is less disrupts the boys lives.D
I can only agree with this and thank you for making this clear. Indeed, I stay in the house because I want to, because it is more financially interesting for me and because the children have everything they need. Close to their school, their hobbies and their friends. And simply because we really like living here. If he chooses to go back deep into the tunnel again and exhibits behavior that is not acceptable, he cannot come here in the house. That would be a good boundary.
Originally Posted by DnJ
However, things may not remain static. In fact, things won’t. Hopefully things get better. Hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst.D
I am very aware of this. After all, I also experienced it when he showed positive signs last year and then crawled back deep into the tunnel. I don't know what it will do to me if this happens again, we'll see when the time comes.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Talk to H. See what he feels he wants. Let him lead a bit. Depending on how he is and what he says propels the conversation somewhat. However, let’s pretend he would like to not sell the house. Wants to keep sorting himself out. I think you are ok with that. So, tell him that. Follow your values and let him know you are there for him - by not selling the house for reasons other than business.D
Yesterday, just before he left, I helped him make his suitcase. I then took the opportunity to ask him what he thought of his time here with the children the past week. He said he was slowly starting to feel a connection with them at times, but it's still very difficult. Especially talking is very difficult for him and he can't yet. I validated his feelings and said he did the utmost to give them a pleasant time. (and he sincerely did, certainly in regards to shared activities) I also started talking about the house. Not in function of our M of course, but simply confirmed that if he likes this, we can wait with the sale of the house until he has more clarity which direction he wants to go. If he prefers to come back to this country, that there is still the possibility to buy the house. That this would be good for the kids. He couldn't put out much but said: "Ok, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to buy it". I answered him that this is a problem for later and that we will deal with it at the time.
I am amazed at the fact that I am no longer afraid to ask or say things to him. A few months ago I was nervous all day if I had to ask something and I usually didn't do it.
So you see how a person can evolve.
Back to “the normal life”. Tonight off to the beach bar with friends, On Friday Girls Night, Saturday walk with very good friend and on Sunday BBQ time with a couple I haven’t seen in ages.
