WAW Walks Away a Second Time

[Traveler]

I have been struggling with GAL over the past few days as the stress seems so much that I can't stay in the house for long. However, I have been going out, talking to people as I can, reading and thinking. This is what is preventing me from going forward and working harder at GAL, even though I am doing that as best I can, I can't stop the panic that turns me into a quivering wreck.

That's unfortunate. Whether you have hope and want to save your marriage, or don't have hope and want to move on, GAL is one of the most effective things you can do. Yesterday I struggled a bit. My solution was to join a Meetup and I got in some exercise while meeting new acquaintances I may see again in the future. That was vastly more useful than sitting at home and being in my own head. (:

I have had this strong feeling that she doesn't really want a divorce, I saw it in her and her current behaviour would indicate that also, as much as her not responding to my lawyers letters to progress divorce

My lack of haste in completing my divorce was because I was already free in practice and wanted to focus on my new life. Sometimes WAS's delay to have a Plan B, an insurance policy if OM don't work out. You say that's what you believe happened ten years ago, right? Don't read too much into this.

so why do I feel that she doesn't want this either?

Denial. It's one of the stages of grief.

surely if she wants to come back a second time, then there must be something worth saving between us, surely? Especially if she decides to return after all this.

That doesn't follow. If her Plan A crumbles again, and she returns to you as Plan B, how is that best for you? We know your STBXW doesn't want to be alone, hence the multiple exit affairs.

It takes someone with a lot of emotional maturity to question those thoughts. Your W is more then likely an avoidant

what other people have said elsewhere and that she is a "serial cheat" has lied and deceived

I see her more how LH described above. An exit affair is a symptom of a marriage that was already dead. LBS focus on the AP and are surprised when OM1 is replaced with OM2 and OM3. I'd focus on the dead marriage. The red flag is you didn't know she was still unhappy, presumably because you weren't working for a decade. That points to a communication failure. WAS who are vocal about problems are more sympathetic.