There is a great podcast on YouTube by Diann Wingert called midlife awakening. It’s very common for a woman between 40-50 to out of no where wake up questioning is this all there is to life and whether they love their husband. This could be all about her and the affair. Regardless it’s out of your control.
I have listened to this this afternoon. So that's it then, just have to accept that how it is and they can treat anybody just the way they want and use the reason that they are acting on emotions?
I'm not being harsh, and I can perfectly understand that is exactly what's happening but I can't accept, for some reason, that they are willing to destroy other people's lives in the way that they do. It's awful and because they are women, it's acceptable?
I don't suppose we blokes can do anything about it apart from try to pick up our shattered lives and go on the best we can.
I'm probably speaking wrongly here, but I would absolutely never go out to knowingly destroy somebody else's life, especially the person who I'm married to and have had a good relationship with for 19 years. To lie, deceive and steal for one purpose - sex, basically - is an awful thing to do to somebody that you have told that you love, even up to the week before she left, just to give me the impression things were fine? Please correct me if I'm wrong here (I probably am.... :-) )
Smilie,
I wanted to you to listen to the podcast so you can understand what’s going through her mind. It takes someone with a lot of emotional maturity to question those thoughts. Your W is more then likely an avoidant and instead of looking inward she looks outward for her next fix of “happiness”. She has developed a pattern and patterns are hard to break unless you truly put in the work to break it. This was likely the outcome no matter what you would have done in the relationship. Even if she were to come back now you would have a tough road ahead of you. If you been following Wayfarer, SteveLW, JoeJoe1 and May, piecing after infidelity is no picnic. Life in general is tough at middle age. In my group there are the divorced ones or the unhappily married ones. I would bet money your W hates the fact she’s hurting you but not enough to deter her from her perceived “happiness”. As far as you using the word “destroy”; remember you get to determine the outcome of your life. It can destroy you or it can inspire you.
