There is a great podcast on YouTube by Diann Wingert called midlife awakening. It’s very common for a woman between 40-50 to out of no where wake up questioning is this all there is to life and whether they love their husband. This could be all about her and the affair. Regardless it’s out of your control.
I shall see if I can find it. Thanks.
I have had a realisation this morning and it hit me like a brick on the side of the head. My wife has left for a one-off fling, I'm almost sure.
I was thinking that is was a longer term thing, but I see the pattern now....
About 5 or 6 weeks prior to her leaving we were supposed to have started a Cleanse. She had purchased a book called "Cleanse to Heal" and discovered that each symptoms of my Neurological condition was separately caused by the Epstein Barr virus. At that stage she put us both on a Keto diet. I was rather confused why we were doing Keto, but she insisted on doing that as a pre-cursor to the cleanse, to get any rubbish out of my body first.
After a few weeks I had lost a fair bit of weight and she had lost some also, not as much as me though as she drank a fair bit of wine at the weekends. A couple of weeks before she left she also bought a couple of new dresses "for work" and asked me if they looked alright. She has always valued my opinion with clothes and I have picked out loads of new outfits for her over the years that she looks absolutely amazing in. The dresses were alright for work, nothing special or dressy.
So sitting trying to meditate in the park this morning, it hits me. She had us on the Keto diet so that she could lose some weight. Obviously she had her eye on somebody at that stage and she was trying to present herself as being more attractive. Then the dresses.
She had a swollen knee for about 6 weeks prior to that point and something she experiences every few years since she had her auto-immune issue at the beginning of our relationship. I was running her to work and back each day as she couldn't walk of bend her knee, but the second week after she could walk again, that's when she left. So basically she was using me to get her to work and back.
Then when she wanted a couple of days "space to think", that's when I think she was testing the other dude to see if they would be sexually compatible, which is why she then text me a couple of days later to say she wasn't coming home. If they hadn't been compatible or if she didn't have the right feelings, she would have left the door open to come back home as I was expecting her to return on the Tuesday.
It is all so clear to me now. So basically I think she has thrown away our marriage and 19 year relationship based on a very short-term fling and has moved in with the dude. It would also make sense why she seemed unsure about wanting a divorce, hasn't progressed on it at all even though she told me that is what she wanted and also why she hasn't responded to my lawyer's letter.
I feel physically sick ... actually I have been physically sick and haven't stopped shaking since I've seen this so clearly today.
Sorry for the waffle, but I think I've just worked it out.
I am almost expecting her to pull out of collecting her stuff next weekend.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
