WAW Walks Away a Second Time

[smilie]

You said your sex life could have been better.

Most likely she communicated to you. Maybe not in the way you would like. Or that was effective.

This is what I don't get. I don't know how she would have communicated this to me, as there was nothing. There were no advances or behaviour during the day that would have indicated anything. It was me that used to go to her, hug her from behind and kiss her neck as she was doing things, or slap her butt while she is bending over somewhere. I show affection in little ways like that and am not full on and I've always done that in all of the 19 years together. They were always reciprocated but never ended up going further than that.

When she got into bed at night, the absolutely first thing she did was to grab her kindle, turn it on and start to read. I used to say to her "Reading are you", and she would reply "yes". What was I supposed to do? This to me is the communication that she doesn't want anything more. I commented on this at counseling before, 9-10 years back. She has done this for years. The times she gets into bed and wants a "cuddle" are the times she is open to sex. On her terms and not very often. Yes, I have made advances and that's never been refused, but this reading in bed thing has always been a thing and has always been a barrier. It would be nice if she got into bed and laid there and chatted for a while, rather than grabbing the device before she even gets comfortable and straight away as she gets into bed. To me the only signal her is, "No sex".

I truly cannot see how she has communicated anything different. I am aware of the communication "3V's" having been through Master NLP Practitioner Training. What I am not getting here, where was this communication or more importantly, HOW was this communication. Because quite simply, I haven't seen it or heard it in the slightest. This is what's confusing the hell out of me.

The assumption that WAS will regret their decisions is based on the assumption that the LBS was the prize in the relationship. When the WAS is in crisis and leaves a good, even if not perfect, relationship the chances that they will regret their decision later is high. There are other cases though where the LBS was not a good spouse or the relationship was just incompatible for whatever reason. In these situations the chances of R are low

I also suppose that the 'quality' of the relationship is subjective to the WAS. As far as I am concerned, although not fantastically brilliant, we had a very good relationship. Accepted that I have not been able to bring in a income for a while and sex was sporadic since she last walked away, the rest of the relationship was good. We always laughed, joked, were silly, held hands both while out and while sitting on the sofa, done certain things at certain times on certain days and laughed about those. Always joking around and coming out with amusing things. Always helping her and supporting her for her work, even compiling project plans and charts for things she was tasks with doing. That's one thing she said she loved about me.

To me, the relationship was good, with very few negative events such as arguments and of course, could have certainly have been better. Not to say we didn't have disagreements, but they were few and far between and annually if that and very brief. Obviously it wasn't enough though and money and sex too a higher priority, it would seem.