Hopefully not. Some of us have worn the WAS hat. If I’d left my XW after 10yrs a year earlier, I might’ve still cared, but instead I used that last bit of care to give her another year to change. By the time I left I’d given her all I could and it was time to focus on me and my kids. I was totally done 2 weeks before BD.
Same when I left my exH I was done, done. Had I gone 4 or 5 years sooner maybe I would've cared or worried but by that point not only had I exhausted all avenues of saving that MR, I had exhausted any ability to consider his feelings in the matter any more.
This is interesting to me as you were both done and never looked backed. This site leads you to believe that the WW is in a temporary fog and will later regret their decision. This fog talk IMO gets people here stuck.
I agree here in some respects and this is a very good point. I have been having a very frank talk with a friend tonight talking to him about this exact thing - about feeling stuck. He basically says that I need to move on with my life regardless and should not accept being treated in this way, especially a second time and should be questioning whether or not it would happen a 3rd time if we worked at trying again. It does make you feel stuck wondering if the WAS will return and you tend to hold on to that rather than moving forward with your own life.
People mention GAL and acting as if they won't return and that's important, I can see that. But maybe we should be just planning to get on with our lives and not wanting them to come back and treat us like this all over again, a second, third or fourth time? Working to accept that the relationship is over, could be more realistic than hanging on to it and will still work towards GAL and detaching. When do we LBS's say stop, enough, no more?
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
