Quietly hiding inside yourself and not showing others emotion is a trauma response. It's actually very common. You never saw her cry because she didn't want you to see it. She's not a sociopath she has issues and learned behaviors she never broke from. Like most of us.
Also I worked in juvenile justice for a decade. I heard and saw horrible sh!t on a daily basis. The kind of stuff that gets CPS in the news. If you don't learn how to detach from your job it will consume you. This is also super normal.
WS/WAS aren't exactly known for for their reliability or follow through. She's not playing mind games. She's just genuinely not considering how it would affect you. Nor does she care. You are out of sight out of mind. And that hurts like h3ll. But that's what it is.
I don't think you're stupid. Nor did I call you stupid. I know you've been doing some self assessment here. But that's not the point. It isn't 100% your fault and it's not 100% hers either. That's the point.
Also she didn't leave you now mainly because you have nothing to offer. The point both CW and I we're trying to make is that if that were actually the case and if she was truly a narcissist she would've left a long time ago.
WAS/WS seem to have a common theme of picking up interests and dropping them quickly.
Situations like this seem to have the common theme of co-dependency in the relationship.
And last little tid-bit, and I don't know why I need to say this, but since I must I must, you are angry. You're clearly anger. It's ok to be angry it's part of the process. Be angry. Sit in it for a while. And then worry about you.
