Just as a point of reference I had a step dad with the dark triad, while he wasn't ever officially diagnosed it was unmistakable. People who have that kind of deep disorder display all the symptoms they aren't particularly cherry picked. As my mother was dying he'd talk about the women he'd finally get to sleep with now since he hadn't been "getting any" while she was sick. He would bark at her about banking information she never gave him, probably for good reason, but the brain fog of a nearing death was clouding her mind in a way that even if she wanted to she didn't know it by heart any more. She had to tell him where he could find the info. That was an inconvenience so he'd bark at her more until she was in tears. The day my mother died he picked a huge fight with me because I apparently didn't show him the sympathy he thought he deserved. I watched my mother die after being up for 40 hours straight while he slept comfortably in his California king, but he felt he was entitled to my sympathy and I should've displayed it in the way he wanted. He did and said horrible things to everyone who could see through him and wouldn't bend to his manipulation. He was equally awful to everyone he did manage to manipulate to be under his thumb. I've read everything you've said about WW. She's not an ideal spouse, but she doesn't have the dark triad. I'm sorry.
LBSs at your point in the game are reaching for anything to make it make sense. I've seen the narcissist thing come with almost every single LBS on here at some point. It's very common to hit the anger stage of grief in all this and to villainize the WAS/WS and they aren't angels so I'm sure some of that scorn is well deserved. This stage almost always immediately follows the fun period of the LBS blaming themselves for everything. But relationships fall apart because 2 people fail. And people as whole tend to not be perfect all the time. Humans are fallible beings and can display really, really ugly traits and behaviors like narcissitic tendencies or manipulative behavior. But that doesn't make them a true narcissist. Try to keep in mind WW probably did some pretty crappy things but it's unlikely that she would've stuck with you so long when (and I'm sorry if this seems harsh but from the perspective of a narcissist) had little to offer to her. Narcissist only like to be with people that can elevate their status, provide something for them, and/or they can completely control. Given your situation. None of that was the case in your marriage. Be angry. You deserve that. But don't diagnose. It won't help you, her or make you feel better in the long run.
Also you need to be careful about where the blame lies on the self confidence and self worth thing. You allowing someone the power to make you feel bad about yourself is a you problem not a them problem. If you saw your self as a person of value she could call you horrible things and it would roll off your back, because you know who you are and what your worth is. Self worth is the responsibility of that person alone. So let's focus on that, not diagnosing WW. What can you do to remind you're self of who you are? What can you do for yourself to improve your physical health, your spiritual health and your emotional health? What kind of interests or hobbies or things like that have gone on the back burner for you that you could maybe take up again? Books left unread? Movies or shows unseen? Podcasts or audio books unlistened to? (which have nothing to do with marriage help, self help, or divorce support.)
