My MLC Wife story -- no kids

[LH19]

W told me the issues in the marriage she had with me and said "If I would have said something earlier we probably could have worked through them but I let it go on to long and pretended that everything was okay and it went too far".

There is typically a point of no return they get to but this has more to do with her affair then anything else.

This arbitrary "point of no return" really bothered me. First let's remember that most would agree that the issues she brought up, ALL of them were petty, not worth throwing a marriage away for, or at the very least, workable and in no way where these pervasive communicated problems that we had worked on for months or years.

95% of marriages with no abuse can be amended if you have both parties trying. This rarely happens hence why 50% of marriages end in divorce.

They amount to: "My bathroom was messy/my room messy. I wasn't as active physically as she'd like. I didn't take an interest in her hiking hobby. I was on my phone/online too much. My anxiety affected us (even though her depression literally ruined our marriage".

This is all WW script.

So her saying that the issues hit some arbitrary "point of no return" that she herself made up, really pissed me off. It is a marriage. It is important. We have all the time in the world moving forward. So that statement to me is nothing more than a statement of CONTROL. "I have decided this because of ME and I will not be moved from it."

Nah. She is telling you how she feels right now.

Yet, in the beginning I was gung ho at taking responsibility and telling her all the things I'd be happy to do to work on the marriage. And I was 100% sincere about it and didn't take it as her coming down on me or judging me. I want to be a better man and partner after all.

Become a better man for you not her.

But in the following weeks, and it took a while, It finally dawned on me. "Yes, these are legitimate issues. They are not divorce worthy and they are the type of common problems present in nearly all marriages or relationships."

Right. But again remember that 50% of marriages end in divorce.

According to our agreement we cohabitate but she wants to come in after her trips, where she stays away for weeks, and tell me to go to my Mom's for weeks at a time so she can stay home, alone. I told her I would not be doing that.

Good!

I go on to say, I will not be bullied and ordered away from the home one her whims.

Good!

Then reality hit me in the face. This woman, who smokes pot all day, and gets drunk every night, who has continued a college type lifestyle her entire life-- this person who I always joked thinks every night needs to be like Bonnaroo (an outdoor concert/festival) who childishly abandoned our marriage, and refuses to work on her biggest life commitment-- SHE is calling ME "childish".

So Lee this begs the question what are you trying to save?