So wait - you are signing divorce papers, what is the disposition of the house? Who gets it in the divorce? Why do you have to still cohabitate?
Also - as for the "point of no return" - that happened when she started her affair. Once they are all infatuated with someone new, they rewrite history. Like I said before, one of my H's complaints was that I "walked too heavy", and not only that, I taught our daughter to do the same! The crazier or more trivial the complaints are, the greater the likelihood that it's not ABOUT you. They are just reaching for something to justify their behavior.
At this age - why were you attracted to a wife who thought "every night should be Bonnaroo", and who drank heavily and smoked MJ daily? One thing to figure out is, why weren't these red flags that you saw earlier in the relationship? What is there about your past or family of origin that made these things seem attractive instead of negatives? For instance, my good friend will inevitably find attractive the one guy in the room who is an alcoholic. She doesn't drink, her parents didn't drink, but her "fun uncle" was an alcoholic and it's like she subconsciously gravitates to that every time.
