WAW Walks Away a Second Time

[smilie]

This is hard. Very hard. I feel that I have had my insides ripped out today and I feel that I'm on a downward spiral into oblivion - somebody please tell me that this gets better at some stage....Does this actually get better? Because after 5 weeks it feels like it's getting a lot worse....

You most likely have lots of repressed emotions. We are emotional beings. Society tells us men not to show our emotions. For example, we learn at an early age not to cry. All those emotions are stuffed down inside. Crying is healthy and releases the emotions. Just find a safe time and place to do it. Some people's safe place is in the shower. IC might be an option. One important thing is to let the tears flow and COMPLETELY feel the pain. I always feel better after a good cry.

I agree with this repressed emotions. The thing is, when my W initially left for some "space" (which I now know was just a ruse to get out of the house with agreement), I was crying for almost 2 days solid. As soon as I received the text message from her to say that she wasn't coming back and that she had feelings for somebody else (aka moved in with someone she was having an affair with), I haven't been able to cry at all - not for her. The only tear I've shed is for my sitch and that's only for a couple of seconds.

I had a chat with a Hypnotherapist (he was also a stage Hypnotist) this morning, and we were talking about my sitch and emotions and my extended issues of Vestibular Migraine. He is also of the thinking that this Neurological issue I have has been created as a result of the trauma from last time this happened 10 years back, as the symptomology came on 3.5 years afterwards, following me continually wondering if the W was going to run out again, if I would come home from work to her gone, if I was saying/doing the right things, etc, etc. He has known other people to have similar issues to mine and known other hypnotherapists to help them, but he hasn't worked with anybody with those issues before now. So it's an experience for him.

I went down this route first as he has a very good reputation and 3 sessions with him is less than the cost of 1.5 session with a relationship counselor, which would have cost in excess of £900 ($1,200+) for 9 sessions and she was talking more than 10. So if I can get some results working with him, then that would be a good start. He is solution-focused and was saying that counseling can keep you in the problem as a lot of methodologies and counselors just want to keep talking about the issue. We'll see, but if he can sort my bigger issue also, that would be great. He said that we should be able to get something done for when W comes to get her things, so it won't have such an emotional response. He has done this type of thing successfuly many times for others.

He says it how he sees it though and basically said that " ... she obviously doesn't give a sh!t about you ... ", I would have to agree, her behaviour has shown that she doesn't.

Which leads me on to....

I have also been reading about "The Dark Triad" and covert narcissism and quite frankly upon further investigations there are some astounding similarities to my relationship with my W and WAS/SAS. It's uncanny. Although there were no explosive arguments and she didn't start any arguments at all, she did partake in gaslighting and using a lot of information shared previously against me a lot of the time. Also she has taken everything from me and left me with nothing, not only financially, but as far as self-esteem and self-worth goes and the way she has done it has been meticulously planned, coordinated and executed and just 5 days after she set up a joint account for my pension money to go into that she arranged to cash in and emptied the savings account - all the same traits as the Dark Triad. Also there is an interesting article on "Monkey Branching" and how they keep two simultaneous relationships/affairs going and swing to the one that best suits them. And also what they may do and say to get you back - dropping breadcrumbs - It is exactly how my life has been, with the added element of her in control of everything. The things she said last time she wanted to come back are the same as the things that are typically said. It is spot on.

The "not safe" place right now is during any interaction with your W. During this phase, your W will be the trigger. Feelings of Sadness, Anger etc. Put your "game face" on and control your emotions during this time. Let them out after the interaction is over.

This is very unlikely to happen, apart from on the 10th when she has arranged to collect her stuff. There is still no word from her though, either directly or through my lawyer, so she seems to have slowed down the pace of her wanting a divorce, or she's playing a different game.

I shall have a workout shortly - GAL - see if I can stop these shakes somehow, they are there almost 100% of the time.

Sorry about the verbal diarrhoea, but what I found was very interesting and has given me a different take on things, whether rightly or wrongly, but worthy of consideration.