Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Oh, and the other thing I have had a hard time getting past was that this woman who puts such a premium on honesty, could blatantly look me in the eye and lie.

Like when I found sex toys hidden. I asked her about them. "I was hoping that they would increase my desire and help our sex life." That was an out and out lie. It was because of her interest in sex, just not with me, and trying to find an outlet for it. If she had been honest with me I would have started trying to do things that would help our situation. But the lie robbed me of that. The defensive part of my brain WANTED to believe it. Even though the logical part of my brain didn't think it made sense.

And then all of the lies I caught her in during the thick of our sitch. Even now, 3 years later I still wonder what lies she is capable of. sandi talks about the WS being completely different than the person we thought we knew. But there are always lingering doubts wondering if the WS side was more true to who she really was/is? Those thoughts have eased as time has passed, but I'd be lying to say they were completely gone.


I struggle with this too Steve. Much less so than I used to, something that I will never understand, so I have stopped trying. I can't imagine how I would deal with it if we had reconciled. My STBXW had always said she hated liars and cheats. Her and her two BFs are a trio of women who have cheated on and lied to their H/STBXHs.

Has your W gone back to being the person you remember? HAs she ever made comments about the importance of honesty since?


To your first question, yes she has. But your second question is a good one. I don't think she has verbalized like she used to before our most recent sitch. I think she knows that her deception through all of that means that her integrity now is based on actions, not words. I will give her credit for trying to live up to the honesty standard rather than giving it lip service.

Last edited by SteveLW; 07/01/21 11:58 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018