This is hard. Very hard. I feel that I have had my insides ripped out today and I feel that I'm on a downward spiral into oblivion - somebody please tell me that this gets better at some stage....Does this actually get better? Because after 5 weeks it feels like it's getting a lot worse....
You most likely have lots of repressed emotions. We are emotional beings. Society tells us men not to show our emotions. For example, we learn at an early age not to cry. All those emotions are stuffed down inside. Crying is healthy and releases the emotions. Just find a safe time and place to do it. Some people's safe place is in the shower. IC might be an option. One important thing is to let the tears flow and COMPLETELY feel the pain. I always feel better after a good cry.
The "not safe" place right now is during any interaction with your W. During this phase, your W will be the trigger. Feelings of Sadness, Anger etc. Put your "game face" on and control your emotions during this time. Let them out after the interaction is over.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
