My MLC Wife story -- no kids

[LH19]

By the way, I have been reading this board for 2 months as well as some other good sources prior that gave good advice-- the same sort of counter-initiative philosophy as here at DB.

Good! Keep it up. There are good books out there on validation.

Other than a few failures here and there, I have remained consistent, and loving. Validating her feelings, telling her I understand but disagree and letting her know, each time that I am here, waiting any time she wants to talk-- that I strongly prefer reconciliation.

Say you validated her feelings and understanding her is great! Saying you disagree with her not so much.
W: Lee I never loved you or was attracted to you.
L: I hear you and understand you feel that way
L: I disagree you loved me and were attracted to me

Do you see how the last sentence is you saying "YOUR WRONG"?

This was after the bomb drop back in Feb when I spent an inordinate amount of time making the best case I could to work on my issues -- not even addressing hers since I felt the best philosophy is "I go first/I can only work on me" and that I would set a loving example.

Or you could have just worked on your issues because you can only control you Lee. You can't make her change or like your changes.

I've also worked on myself physically. I went from mostly sedentary to working out EVERY day. I have lost 25 pounds, gained muscle and endurance and I look better than I have since I was 25 (I am 42). and that's for me and my health, not necessarily her although the side effect of looking better to her was possible.

That's great Lee! 25 pounds is alot. Keep working on you.

But none of that mattered to her. And that is when she switched gears to, basically "You are ugly and boring and I never really liked you or was attracted to you and I even liked ______ better, so THERE" (which is the same way a 4th grade girl breaks up w her boyfriend, weirdly).

Yeah my guess is she's mad because you are making changes now when it's too late and you will look great for another woman. Nothing you can do about it.

So, just for context here, I know I am new to posting, and I was taking a "Parable of the Prodigal Son" philosophy to all of this, trying real hard, giving enormous space (I NEVER tried to find out where she was etc.), communicated consistently, mostly didn't lose my cool. Doing MOST of the best practice DB type stuff. but it hasn't mattered.

Unfortunately Lee by the time you find this place it's usually too late to prevent the D. That doesn't mean you can't reconcile later. That's why you don't want to burn any bridges by sending nasty emails.

So I think it's okay that I express some emotion here through some emails that I don't really plan to send but sorry if that offends some people's delicate sensibilities.

Absolutely! Most newbies actually send them first and then come here.

When your wife runs off with a conman, savages your sex life with tales of a bald dentist from 12 years ago, then calls the cops on you in an attempt to frame you, one TENDS to get a TAD bit emotional.

I'll bet. I certainly understand why you are so upset.

I dunno-- maybe I am the crazy one.

No crazy just emotional right now. When people make decisions based on emotion there are sure to be consequences.