By the way, I have been reading this board for 2 months as well as some other good sources prior that gave good advice-- the same sort of counter-initiative philosophy as here at DB.
Other than a few failures here and there, I have remained consistent, and loving. Validating her feelings, telling her I understand but disagree and letting her know, each time that I am here, waiting any time she wants to talk-- that I strongly prefer reconciliation.
This was after the bomb drop back in Feb when I spent an inordinate amount of time making the best case I could to work on my issues -- not even addressing hers since I felt the best philosophy is "I go first/I can only work on me" and that I would set a loving example.
I've also worked on myself physically. I went from mostly sedentary to working out EVERY day. I have lost 25 pounds, gained muscle and endurance and I look better than I have since I was 25 (I am 42). and that's for me and my health, not necessarily her although the side effect of looking better to her was possible.
But none of that mattered to her. And that is when she switched gears to, basically "You are ugly and boring and I never really liked you or was attracted to you and I even liked ______ better, so THERE" (which is the same way a 4th grade girl breaks up w her boyfriend, weirdly).
So, just for context here, I know I am new to posting, and I was taking a "Parable of the Prodigal Son" philosophy to all of this, trying real hard, giving enormous space (I NEVER tried to find out where she was etc.), communicated consistently, mostly didn't lose my cool. Doing MOST of the best practice DB type stuff. but it hasn't mattered.
So I think it's okay that I express some emotion here through some emails that I don't really plan to send but sorry if that offends some people's delicate sensibilities.
When your wife runs off with a conman, savages your sex life with tales of a bald dentist from 12 years ago, then calls the cops on you in an attempt to frame you, one TENDS to get a TAD bit emotional.
