WF, do you think women being turned down for sex feels particularly rejecting because society has us believe that men "are always up for it"?
Well I do think societal expectations plays a role. But I don't know if I would pointedly say society believes men are always up for it. I think it's more a multitude of social mores and this men are from Mars, women are from Venus thought process that can be traced to western culture gender norms and puritanical thinking. I also think because the reasons men with low drives are rejecting their partners that aren't being driven by low T or other medical issues are so all over the board it's difficult to cope. There's not a lot out there for women with high drives as it is. And what it out there they almost always point to ED or cheating.
I think the one thing that would ring true to your question would be where sex lies on the priority list of things for a low drive person vs a high drive person. Because guys are assumed to have the high drive it's assume it's always high on their priority list. A guy with a low drive prioritizes the exact same way a women with a low drive does. Sleep, eat, exercise, kids, work, friends all before sex. Because it's assumed it would be higher on that list even beginning the conversation is harder.
That being said, I think the rejection feels particularly bad for women because it's truly confusing. The 3 guys I've been in long(ish) term relationships with that have rejected me regularly rejected me for completely different reasons. exH was a matter of him using sex as a weapon against me because I had a high drive. It was a punishment and reward system. An exBF it was a matter of taste. He needed it to be in the most perfect of physical and emotional conditions or it wasn't worth it to him. He enjoyed making out and some PDA . Loved the build up and like literally love making, but anything outside of that rom-com box wasn't his jam. Inside his box wasn't mine. My current H is kind of all over the place I think one the main issues there is that in the context of a relationship sex is low priority. He feels like well you're there so sex is always an option. Outside of a long term relationship it's a high priority. I don't even like discussing the number of 1 night stands he's had. Honestly the more emotionally connected he feels the less we have sex. I legitimately can't wrap my head around how sex as a priority fluctuates so wildly for him. But in any of those cases there wasn't much I could to do to improve things. I can't adjust my behavior to improve our sex lives when the issues are things that are for them to work through.
Another factor is I know for my female friends with a low drive when they're rejected it feels like retaliation or they feel like their partners aren't attracted to them any more. I can say even with a high drive I feel like the latter often. Especially because I'm the type of person where my weight fluctuates a lot, (depression meds, PCOS, genetics, all fun stuff). So because I already don't feel particularly at home in my body most of the time I definitely take the rejection very, very personally. I know some male partners do too, but given how just any female body in the world is constantly up for scrutiny, my personally being rejected by my H hits so much harder. I already know I'm not an ideal beauty standard for a lot of people and now I'm not attractive enough for my own H. It's difficult to feel like that over and over and over again. I think I would feel less hurt by all of it if I knew it was something I was doing that I need to fix. The only adjustment I can make is to not pressure so I don't create resentment, and to have conversations wit myself that the rejection isn't personal so I don't hold resentment.
