WAW Walks Away a Second Time

[smilie]

Hey Smilie, it gets better, I promise. But don’t just rely on time to do the work, you need to do the work. Think of it like a wound, if you treat the wound like crap, in time it will still heal but with a big ugly scar. If you care for it properly, the scar will be barely noticeable.

Good analogy and very much like the one that I use from a coaching programme I trained with. Yes, I am a trained coach believe it or not! Nothing seems to work while you're in it yourself.

Read the advice, do the work, focus on you not her. Trust me, she does not give 1 sh!t about your changes or your progress right now.

I'm sure she doesn't give a hoot about me at the moment and she has clearly shown this once again, as she did 10 years back. "Doing the work" leaves me in a position of not knowing exactly what others perceive this 'work' to be and whether my thoughts match. So I shall explain a bit about what I've been up to.

So 'the work' that I have been doing first and foremost, is to try to put myself into a position where I can maneuver. Initially because she had turned around and left on a dime and taken the savings along with her, I was left with nothing. I couldn't hire a lawyer or arrange to find a place to live (this place is rented) and she started the clock ticking saying that she will pay the rent and bills for 3 months (end of August). So nice of her, until I uncover that I am paying for that with the money she took - what kind of game is this? So for the first 3 weeks (and Lord knows how I was able to do it being a blubbering mess), I was trying to find some money so that I had it available to me.

First off, crypto -> cash -> Hire a lawyer. So that was that sorted. Step 2: Release some cash from a pension to use as moving & living money for the next 12-24 months. That step was completed today.

During that time I have Re-read almost all of DR, heaps of information on the DB Forums and made certain that I don't lose any more weight (lost almost 1.5 stone from stress alone). I have forced myself to eat properly and I have been working out each day, until I was put on anti-anxiety meds. Had to have a few days break, but I'm back working out this morning.

I'm in the process of trying to find a counsellor/psychologist/etc., to help me through the process, as the state-run counsellors here in the UK (NHS), have a backlog of at least 8 weeks for an appointment and I'm not even sure if that's the right type of approach they recommend (CBT). I have a call-out to a relationship counsellor (no callback yet).

I have also been going out for walks and reading in the park and to the pub to type my journal and been meeting up with a few people and talking to others (as I talk with anybody about anything!). I have also re-joined the group where coaches who trained on the same methods as I did, meet online with a weekly live-stream, as I previously dropped out of this interaction because 1) I wasn't actively practicing as a coach and, 2) I spent the time with my wife instead.

Also I have some other training courses that I am planning to study (if I can get my brain to behave), based around psychology stuff that I purchased a short while back - Shadow Mastery (Carl Jung's work) and have been listening to the "Dad Starting Over" Podcast which seem full of useful information not dis-similar to some of the information here.

Oh and housework. Ironing this afternoon while listening to a 1.5 hour session of coaching methodologies. As well as starting to sort through the contents of the house to decide on Sell, Bin, Store or Take.

So, not sure if there's other things I am missing?

Read the post titled “you will not die”. Trust that you are not unique here and that many have been where you are and are in fact now OK, if not thriving.

I bet I'm not unique. Some of the things I have read are exactly the same or very similar and my heart goes out to those people who had to suffer this. You guys have so much knowledge and insight - probably because you've been through the wringer too.