Hopefully Drifting Ashore (Riding the Wave 4)

[LH19]

W,

Man where have you been all this time. Let these guys have it in the future.

So in thinking about "should there be a such thing as too little too late" I can say yeah there is.

Fair point. Just wondered how it aligned with the vows that are preached on here so often. Just so you know I agree.

I never for one second thought it was too late in Core's situation if his W could dig deep and own her part and forgive his. If they could both just try a little harder, be a little better and healthier I think they could've made it.

I think that can be said for a lot of marriages though that is rarely the case.

This....this situation however, had no chance. Now I don't think he was 100% of the issue but he spends so much time pointing out WW issues I don't know that I needed to address them in depth.

I can not disagree with that and you will notice I called him out from time to time.

This was a toxic and doomed relationship because of both parties. But WW seems to be self aware enough that she wanted to exit the situation. I can't say the same for the poster.

I think having an intact family was his only goal.

The sexual coercion he doesn't want to call it the r word is another thing.

Ok. I may have really missed this one. I did not take it that way at all but could certainly be wrong.

I had that with my exH. And I can tell you saying no a dozen time and finally giving in (an in my case it was because PT is my love language and I was desperate to be touched) I felt filthy and worthless afterwards. He couldn't bother to touch me unless he was completely wasted. It was never on my terms. It was always on his. And no didn't mean no to him. It meant try harder. You don't want to call it what it is. But it is what it is. I still cry when those memories sneak up on me. Anyone who willfully participates in that or can't understand why it would feel that way makes me question their integrity and self awareness on many levels.

I am really sorry you had to go through that Wayfarer.

To your point LH I think vows, family, friends, little ones, the religious aspect is what kept the MR together as long as it did. I think if the WW didn't feel stigmatized or legitimately fear that D would've harmed (not physical but financial, emotional, etc.) her or her children I think she would've left long before. Money kept her there a long time. Fear kept her there, of the unknown, not necessarily him. And honestly having to find a new path is scary. I'm sure WW was having an identity crisis. It makes perfect sense. Who is she if she's not the wife and mother she was supposed to be?

Yeah I got that sense too.

Now my very best friend in the world and her H dug themselves out of this pit of despair but it involved a crap ton of therapy, a lot of back sliding, and a level of patience that they both should get a noble peace prize for.

This in my personal life never happens. I do not know anyone personally who has fixed their marriage. They either divorce or live miserably.