Wayfarer, wow, that's some deep analysis with valid points. I get it would be hard to share this, harder to receive this without some pre-existing rapport so you both trust it's meant constructively.
"Too little, too late." That could be the mantra of the LBS. It's hard to make dramatic changes, quickly, without expectations. I recall OP reading books on listening and validation, but I only saw him deploy it when he was trying to "win" her back, not in future communications with her or other people. I know those skills are auto-pilot for me. I deploy them with everyone and it feels completely natural. But, I have my own flaws. One (of many) reasons my XGF left me is my inability to tend my home. It's a skill (or a quick call to a cleaning service) 2yrs post-BD I still only deploy when attempting to impress or woo someone.
To the original point, I do believe your writing conveys your thoughtfulness well enough that if you were to write constructive criticism as per the above I and most would feel gratitude. After a cooldown, lol.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
I can tell you saying no a dozen time and finally giving in (an in my case it was because PT is my love language and I was desperate to be touched) I felt filthy and worthless afterwards.
I can relate, although I get this happens far more often to women. You seem to have emerged strong and emotionally aware, unlikely to ever again put up with a "partner" who regularly behaves this way.
