Something New

[joejoe1]

WF,

You suppressing your feelings won't lead to healing, if you are that bothered by some of the thoughts of your time being robbed by your husband, you and him need to find some quiet time and discuss, what and why it's bothering you. If you don't it will lead to resentment and anger. And the worst kind bottled up resentment and anger. You have a right to feel the way you do. And it's ok to feel that way. What I hear you saying, is you don't won't to bring it up, because you think it will cause a problem between ya'll two. But you keeping it in, is causing a problem for you, which in the end will, end up being a problem for the both of you. The best way to heal is to talk about the problem in a logical and safe place.

Healing is, "giving up the fight, of trying to change the past". In your mind you are grappling with trying to understand what the outcomes, "WOULD HAVE BEEN" IF your husband would of made different decisions.

If you believe in the LORD, the universe, lets look at both sides of this equation.

You husband could of not had an A and got you pregnant and you both could both be happy with a beautiful little buddle of joy.

Or you could of gotten pregnant and the reality was, you said it yourself you were depressed. And having a baby could of lead to more depression.

Or you could of gotten pregnant found out your husband was having an A and had a hard pregnancy. Or, Or, Or.

In the world outside of feelings, we are faced with a reality that our brains and hearts tend to run from and run back to thoughts of blame and pain.

That road of, "what if" is a painful one to drive down, and us LBS in Recon can stay there for a long time. I'm still going down there sometimes, but I have found ways to get back on my path. Healing is clean and a straight, neat little box, it can be dirty and painful.