WAW Walks Away a Second Time

[smilie]

The reason is that you are grasping to re-estabish a feeling of control over your life.

Your brain has convinced itself that getting W back, or getting W to apologize and declare a desire to have you back is the very best and fastest way to restore your feeling of being in control.

With the benefit of time and distance, you'll realize that's what it's really all about, it's about regaining the ability to feel in control of your life and your future. It really has very little to do with W or who she is as a person, she's a lever to get you what you want, but that's really just an illusion.

Logically you know you should divorce your W. She has cheated before and likely will cheat again. Emotionally you are not there because your brain still sees your W as essential to your survival. This will fade in time.

Wow! So much to unravel there and it makes sense as the feeling of control that I presently have is close to zero. It's like sailing down the river in a boat without a rudder, that's for sure. I think in time, as you say, my emotions will catch-up with my logic and I think that my logic will provide the rudder to steer me in the first instance.

I absolutely know that I cannot go through this again as it almost killed me last time (gone for 9 months) and it has had the same shocking effect this time. That's got to be enough. Whatever she thinks I have done, nothing warrants what she has done towards me a second time and the way she has gone about it. The way of the WW seems to border on evil with how they treat you and at the very least, totally devoid of any and all emotion.

I have just read "The Lighthouse" post, about how the WS is in huge conflict and not really in a position to be in any relationship. That is my only consolation along with the fact that her new relationship probably won't work out either, and that maybe somewhere down the line, in weeks, months or even years, she will inevitably play out the same act again, but this time I won't be the subject of her 'unhappiness'.

So much more of what I have read about Persuers and Distancers have also been enlightening, in as much as her having sex for her own gratification rather than being a joint emotional bonding experience. This has always been like that for her and I've always felt that I was just the 'part' that she needed. I never mentioned that, and probably should have done at some stage over the past 19 years.