I havent read all of your sitch and it sounds like you need some time to sot on all of this. In terms of forgiveness i have started listening to an audibook, colin Tipping-radical forgiveness. Its a different concept to what we perceive as forgiveness, i was very much fighting it when i started listening, but its growing on me, and i realised that i havent fully forgiven H, although i was confident I had.
