Just skimmed you first thread. You are lucky to have so many wise posters chiming in.
I'm 54. my lady is 9 years younger. We have been living together for about 10 years. I had 50/50 custody of my 3 kids and her only daughter lived with us 100%. I was officially divorced Jan 09. Was married to my Xwife for 12 years and lived together for 6 before that.
I have been "researching" relationships since the bomb drop. One of the main things I learned is everything that works is counter-intuitive. For example, you fix the relationship by not trying to fix the relationship. She will be attracted to you when you are not trying to attract her. Even here, most people are using the wrong measuring stick to determine "What works". They are looking at how the spouse responds. The measurement should be more about how you behave, respond, and interact. Did you interact the way you planned ect. If not, can I do better the next time.
Another thing that is counter-intuitive. This has nothing to do with your W. Take all the focus off of her and focus on your personal growth. This is your opportunity to become the best version of you. You fix you by taking a hard look internally. Challenge everything you believe. You just found out Santa isn't real and that is OK. Just process everything.
As far as sleep, My doc prescribed some pills to me after BD. I would take the pill, 30 minutes later be asleep...8 hours later wake up. It was great.
Clear your mind. Keep a notepad next to bed. Make a note of anything that is keeping you awake or waking you up. Not an essay, just away for your mind to not worry about that at the moment. Write it down, then tell yourself "I will deal with that tomorrow".
Relax your body. Start with slow controlled breathing. Intentionally relax every part of your body with every breath out. Start at the top of your head and work down to your toes.
Each breath out, count down by 3s from 100. Start higher if needed. I don't make it to 80.
As far as the anxiety, taking a break from your "learning" will help as well as learning to be in the present.
“Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles. Oogway: Quit, don't quit? Noodles, don't noodles? You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present.”; Kung Fu Panda
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
