I can relate to the panic attacks. In fact, in my first sitch in 2005 this is how I realized she was having an EA. She was staying up late in the home office down the hall "working". My first inclination that something wasn't right was one night one of my favorite athletes, in one of his final events, was putting on an amazing performance. After he pulled out a win, I went down to the home-office to tell her about it, and when I came into the HO I say her quickly hide a screen. My sub-conscious picked up on it, but in my excitement about what I was sharing I didn't even think about it much. After all, she had been working so hard, staying up so late each night that I just assumed she had her nose to the grindstone. Nope, she had been down there every night IMing with OM.
That night I woke (about 3-4 hours later) from a dream where she was cheating on me, in a full blown panic attack! Heart racing, shortness of breath, chest pains, feeling of complete hopelessness. It was awful. But that was when I started putting all of the pieces together of what was going on.
What a nightmare, that must've been awful for you. In hindsight, my wife's increases in computer usage tended to increase on the weekend. I just thought she was reading social media posts and catching up. Maybe there was more.
On ADs now yes, had thoughts skim quickly across my mind, no more than that.
Not in IC at the moment, not enough money for private. Waiting for health services CBT. Waiting list is 8 weeks. 5 weeks to go, no appointment received yet. I called a relationship counsellor today who works for a charity, left voicemail. Shall chase next wee incase they can help.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
