Smilie, very sorry to hear you're going through this! I had never suffered depression or panic attacks in my life, I always thought it was a mental thing and that the people just needed to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and suck it up. After BD I felt like I was handling things pretty well, then about 4 months after BD without warning or trigger, I suddenly spiraled deep into depression with anxiety and severe panic attacks thrown in for good measure. It was then that I learned just how real of an illness depression is, it's not something you just gut your way out of, it's something that requires medical attention. I found myself in a very dark place very quickly. Was suicidal, my insides felt dead already. It was like I had no "soul". I couldn't find meaning or purpose or happiness in anything. The panic attacks were awful, they would strike at work and home at random times, even in the middle of the night when I was asleep. I would wake up completely freaked out with my heart pounding. I would have to get up and go somewhere, but no matter where I went it was no better. It literally felt like I would die at any minute. Just awful. Anyway I did seek out medical attention. They put my on A/D's and something for the panic attacks. The A/D medication started helping after a week or so, but didn't reach full efficacy until 2 or 3 weeks. That's when I started feeling normal again. I can't remember the anti-anxiety meds they gave me but I only took those if I felt a panic attack coming on. They worked great though, they would stop the attack before it reached full gallop.
After a few months I weaned off the meds with the help of my doctor. If I recall, I think we reduced 10% a week until I was finally off of them. It required chopping the pills up into tiny pieces, but it worked. Once I was off I still felt fine and normal, and have ever since (it's been around 8 years).
So do take the med's, and stick to it. Give them time to work, it takes a while. Good luck!
