Quote: We still are, because we now find it incredibly difficult after 5 years to sleep together (due to snoring and noisy moving about on both our parts). For some reason I think this is a really bad thing - that couples should sleep together - he feels it doesn't mean anything - we can still have a loving relationship and get a good night's sleep. Please comment.
This caught my attention as a now retired co-worker of mine and her H slept in separate beds. He really had a problem with it at first, but eventually it worked really well and they do and always have gotten along wonderfully. They had their intimate time after work rather before they went to sleep. He snored big time and she wanted to sleep. I also think this is more common than we hear or like to think.
The bike riding issue. I'm a walker and like to walk alone as it's my time to think and reflect on things. And I really need this time to myself so if anyone wanted to walk with me more than a few times or make it their excercise time, I'd be groaning too. So maybe don't think it personally, it might be when your H does his thinking.
Quote: so I started creating a life with my friends - this wasn't a problem to H
and then you say
Quote: couldn't handle being controlled and neglected
So if he didn't mind you having a live with your friends, why do you think he felt neglected? What do you think him made him feel controlled?
Maybe you should really think about your "shoulds" and your "expectations" as they don't sound like they are you H's "shoulds" and "expectations"
I used to be the queen of emotional breakdowns or going "physco" as my H called it, but I've pretty much tamed those and I feel so much better. It took so much of my energy and usually the thing I was freak'n out about worked itself out in the end. So it ended up being a waste of time. I think it was more me trying to control my H and getting very frustrated when he wouldn't do what I wanted him to do or be how I wanted him to be. The key was accepting my H exactly as he was and dropping the expectations.
Hang in there. That your H came back is wonderful!
