It's just wonderful that you and your H are recovering a loving R. You both seem to have a willing attitude and the desire to please each other. Way to go!
I have also recovered a loving R with my H -- though we are still separated. We're healing our rift -- long story, lots to forgive (porn, o-chick, drain-the-savings).
That is just so you know "I been there" and really do relate to having EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS.
I had them all over the place.
Now that we're talking again, my H revealed that he left home cuz he couldn't take constant upset. I never gave him any recovery time between bouts.
So my DB-ing has involved learning to check my sour or sad feelings at the door. Don't spill on him.
Or to at least reduce the frequency and intensity of the bouts. Give him some breathing room.
Be softer, kinder, easier-going. Trust that he wants you to feel good. Show him you can.
This works like magic for me.
Get over it as best and fast as U can. Use whatever helps ya, honey.
Some bibliotherapy I use: DB, DR Mars/Venus Five Love Languages "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns
Snodderly has a thread with more recommendations.
After crying and letting it all hang out, look into his eyes and say you love him cuz ... of his wiry eyebrows (or something). Thank him for holding on.
U betcha he'll be grateful and relieved.
It sounds like your H cares very much. Maybe U aren't getting the EXACT words you'd like to hear. But listen and watch for other actions -- isn't he trying to tell you IN HIS WAY what he feels?
Tips I need to remember, too:
Let em have their POV (though U think it's wrong or odd) Deep breath and duct tape (when U want to scold) Don't hasten to conclusion (maybe he's planning your surprise party, maybe he's givin U what he'd wanna have) Benefit of the doubt (apply this to sep beds issue, maybe it's not an issue after all?) Cheerlead a lot (That's what YOU'D want, right?) Lighten up on him especially when he screws up. He's likely to be quietly grateful and relieved.
One more thing: lingerie.
Doll up and appeal to his masculine virility. Lipstick, lace & heels.
