5 years pieced & COVID SIP has silver linings

[joejoe1]

May summed up my thoughts perfectly. Thanks May.

Only, I use to post regularly. I also use to keep up with and provide comments to a lot of threads. But over time, I started to relive my situation over and over again, when reading other's trauma. Reading certain situations over and over again, was having an impact on my healing. I had to step away. I also would provide a comment and have so much going on where I couldn't commit to the posters like I wanted to. So I decided, to take a step back from posting and reading each situation.

I have been here since 2017 and there were way more posters when I first got here and way more traffic, it was a constant different posters showing up everyday, and that trend continued until probably the beginning of 2019. I was involved in a lot of posters threads. To the point, I would go to bed dreaming about their situations. And wake up reading to read all the updates. It was addicting. Not healthy, IMO.

And my perspective about the tone on the forum now is based off of my experience with the forum when I first arrived here. It has nothing to do with my Recon. I don't understand that correlation at all. The Vets when I first got here had a very nurturing tone, that were still 2x4s. AS, 25, Sandi all had a way of giving great advice without advocating for making lasting decisions.

25 called me out for being a bad husband, and how my wife affair wasn't the only problem we had in our Marriage. She kept me grounded in the reality of where I stood in the devastation of my failed marriage. That took me out the mode of just blaming my wife and looking at myself for the man I was, the husband I was, and the father, friend, son, and brother I was. When I looked back, I wasn't a very good husband, father, friend, brother or son. I treated my wife like crap, before she decided to quit our Marriage. Before 25 start giving me advice, I put all the blame on my Wife and her affair. But that was not reality. My wife was fast steam ahead with her AP, telling me she loved him. I could of just went and got a lawyer and started D. Which I asked a few times here, and I went and talked to a few lawyers. But with the advice from AS (who was Divorced), 25 (who was Divorced), Chuck, Sandi and many others they kept me patient and focused on myself.

So, the notion that we should being staying around to fix the tone if we don't like it, I have contributed a lot, and I would love to contribute more, but this board/forum is about healthy healing and community IMO, and I just think it has went away from that. And, if I can't commit to a poster, I don't want to be jumping in and out of their situation providing advice that's short sighted. I have done that to a few posters, and when I went back and read my comments, I felt horrible.

Onward and forward