There's a school of thought in the universe that forgiveness is some grand gesture bestowed upon the transgressor by the transgressed. That some how the transgressed person is a morally superior being who is given the power to wield that forgiveness or withhold it. In my life long experiences with awful people some in my life by chance some by choice that's simply not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It's a path to walk away from all the anger, all the hurt, all the frustration, all the trauma. It's an opportunity to release yourself from the shackles of that time in your life and the power a person like that holds over you. Forgiveness isn't some magical absolvent of all transgressions and ill will. It's a process of relinquishing control. It's the ultimate level of detachment.
This isn't an attack on you or your progress. This isn't a 2x4. Forgiveness is a genuine part of the process here. People who ignore it or don't think it's necessary often find themselves much too far down the road wrapped up in emotional baggage, and bitterness leaving them very much alone to further spiral into more bitterness (i.e. IW's parents). You don't need to forgive exW today, tomorrow or next week. It's wonderful that you've reached a level of apathy with exW. It's also perfectly normal and acceptable to settle in to your new hopefully calmer less traumatic life before continuing on your healing journey. We all need respite. We all need times to just luxuriate in the relief of closing a chapter. But it's important that you don't get complacent in your process here. Apathy and indifference are far too often just the result of burying all the other feelings because that's what's easiest to move on in the immediate. I think that's the the main sentiment here, a reminder that the next step in this whole disaster isn't a continuous state of apathy or indifference. That at some point some day if you want to be a whole, happy, healthy U, long term, you'll need to start exploring the path of forgiveness, what it means, what it looks like, and what you need to forgive yourself for in the process. And like Steve said more often than not it's best to be going on this journey with IC. An unbiased 3rd party to hold you accountable and conversely has no truly vested interest so won't rush you through the process.
I preach about this like it's gospel. If you look at a lot of my posts to people nearing the end I bring it up over and over because understanding this fully helped me recover from my childhood trauma, and my exH. Releasing myself from the chains that bind me to people who've hurt me, who've scarred me, has changed my entire outlook on myself, my boundaries, my relationships and my chronic depression.
