The light approaches... slowly

[SteveLW]

The discussion of forgiveness is really interesting to me as it is something I'm thinking about a lot right now.

Thanks may, and glad to hear from you.

I actually couldn't care less about forgiveness right now. But that's what is interesting to me... trying to figure out why I don't care.

My legal situation was long and winding and something I didn't post much about here for obvious reasons. I had to detach quickly and learn to manage my interactions with XW almost perfectly, because literally everything that was said or written was liable to be filed as evidence in a courtroom. I couldn't say, "Whoops, slipped up today, raised voices with XW, what do you guys think?". She was insisting we exchange the kids in a dark location in the middle of the wilderness with no cameras, while at the same time insisting I was unsafe and dangerous. It was scary. She made false allegations. I cannot overemphasize this enough... I was under the microscope. She hired the most aggressive and notorious law firm in the area, known in particular for move-away cases. Because she refused to work for two years, I was literally on the hook to pay HER bills to fight me in court and limit my time with the kids. It is absolutely insane how the system works sometimes.

That is only the tip of the iceberg, for some flavor.

Anyways, I get it, some of you have situations that are tougher in some ways as far as questioning the relationship. You have partners that are waffling, or give you mixed signals. You still see the good in them, you still question why it can't work. They show you some hints of their old selves. Or you realize if you change that a MR 2.0 might be possible, if they are open to the idea. Maybe that's why forgiveness is more on your minds. I don't know.

My relationship was dead a long time ago. I don't miss it. I know what you all are probably thinking: "This is what WAS's do and sometime down the road they turn around and have to face their demons." Problem is, she's always been this way -- not accepting responsibility for relationship issues -- whether with her family, friends, whatever. I just don't care -- why would I want to spend any more time around somebody like that? I just missed the red flags when I met her. I have one life to live (not religious here) and worrying about whether to forgive my XW, who, quite honestly, did some absolutely heinous things the past few years -- it's just not going to happen.

Maybe I'll forgive one day. Right now I just don't care. At all. I'm not angry, I'm just indifferent to the idea. I just escaped a multi-year surreal nightmare. I just got a settlement. I'm out. I'm a better person for what I've gone through. I'm happy.

Completely understandable, unchien. I often refer to these sitches as trauma. Trauma is not easily overcome. (Coincidentally, this is also why I'm a huge advocate for IC for the LBS. Trauma requires counseling to properly navigate.) Understand we are on your side!