5 years pieced & COVID SIP has silver linings

[OnlyBent]

Reading Only comments to me, makes me realize that there's a vast misunderstanding on what DBing is all about. I don't think any newcomer knows if their Spouse is coming back, we just do the work on ourselves to save ourselves, no matter the outcome. Even if our WS comes back the work we need to do on ourselves stays the same. Even after my wife and I decided to work on our M, we still struggled. I wanted to walk out on many occasions. Feeling like, I can't trust this person, it's so horrible living with a person, that you believe you can't trust. None of her actions were leading me to believe she was doing anything wrong, But I spent almost two years being hyper vigilant trying to make sure she didn't hurt me like she did before. And I'm pretty sure, I would of been that way, if we didn't reconcile and I ended up in a new relationship at the same time my wife and I Reconned. I wasn't no where near healed and neither was my wife when we Reconned, and we still have flare ups here and there.

I just don't like the comments, that make it seems like we are somehow different because we reconned, it comes off as divisive and creates and divisions in the posters.

I think you may have misunderstood my original comment JJ. I never suggested we were different, I said that those that think the board has become negative seem to be those who have R'd. I think that this is an accurate statement, but happy to be proven wrong. In no way was I trying to create division, what I would really like is for all perspectives to stay on this board so that it can continue to help those who find themselves in this awful situation that we have all shared.

What I don't like is those that complain about the boards being negative yet do nothing to change the tone. I have always been taught that if you don't like something you change it, or you don't complain. Whoever the negative posters may be, they are they ones giving up their time to help the newcomers, so I find it unfair that they are criticised.

JJ, I assure you that I understand the DBing is about focusing on myself, if you go read my thread you will see my progression. I read yours and I could see your changes as you progressed, I respect your journey. Again I wish you and your R all the best. Please keep posting.