smilie, one word of advice. Do not look for excuses to reach out. This is a common mistake by LBSs. "I had to contact her because she is supposed to be here to pick up her close in 3 weeks." ?? Really? Does her coming by to get clothes on 7/10 warrant an email on 6/22?

Your mind will trick you into this kind of logic because the longer you go without contact the bigger the loss of control will get. Most of us can only handle that feeling to a certain point and then we feel we need to act. We call it the delusion of actions. "IF I am doing something, then I am still in control!"

Remember this: Doing nothing IS doing something. If she doesn't come get her clothes, no skin off your nose right? It is her that is having to live without them. It is her that should be reaching out to make the arrangements.

The rules of engagement with her at this point should be really simple: Do not initiate contact. If she does, then: If it is informational then you have no reason to respond. If it is a question, then answer it only after some time has passed (not right away) and in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.

This is what it looks like:

Her: "I need to come by in the next couple of weeks to get my clothes."

INFORMATIONAL, no response necessary.

2 days later: HER: "Did you get the message about needing to come by and get my clothes?"

QUESTION. After 2 hours, YOU: "Yes."

2 days later HER: "You never told me when I can come to get my clothes, does 7/10 work?"

YOU, after an hour: "Yes."

HER: "Ok what time?"

After another hour YOU: "Anytime after 10am until 2pm. Then anytime after 5pm."

HER: Okay, I will be there at noon. Thank you."

No question from her, the exchange is over.

Also, one tweak to this:

"Very brief message, no fluff, polite, no kisses, just as if I was talking to a friend."

Change to to as if you were talking to the cashier at the store! Look up sandi's 37 rules, it is a sticky thread. Very important that you start learning and following them.

I know you said it feels horrible, but as you get better at it that will change. It will actually feel empowering! It is amazing how LBSs react when the WAS isn't sad, mopey, down, depressed. When you are upbeat, friendly but not overly, pleased, even fulfilled they will start to wonder why and what is going on. After a few exchanges like the above you will start seeing her "temp checking" you. To see if you've moved on or if she still has you on the hook.

sandi's 37 rules are GOLD. PURE GOLD


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018