Way, Like Steve has mentioned, I have posted there on every update have made for a couple years now. But the only response I get is from Steve. I would love to have other opinions on some of the things I go thru. I think piecing never stops and my wife and I have been working on our new Marriage sine Oct 2017. It's been a lot of up and downs.
There are so few people in piecing that remain active around here when we started to move in that direction I really, really struggled to find content that made any sense of what was going on in my heart, head and gut. I struggle(d) with triggering things, and little tiffs occasionally put me in tears, sometimes even to the point of ugly crying because I often can't get past feeling like he's counting points for or against me because he was doing it for so long, long before the A and still after the A was done and over. But I rarely posted about that stuff for exactly the reason you stated next.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
And It's hard to post those events in the "newcomers" thread, because I don't want to make my problem bigger than the crisis some of the DBer's in the newcomer thread is going thru.
I also feel like I don't want to negate some one in crisis. Those feelings are so big and so all consuming. It's much more important to focus on them knowing they can survive this than some one virtually patting my hand when I'm struggling in something some newbies so badly crave.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
But I spent almost two years being hyper vigilant trying to make sure she didn't hurt me like she did before. And I'm pretty sure, I would of been that way, if we didn't reconcile and I ended up in a new relationship at the same time my wife and I Reconned. I wasn't no where near healed and neither was my wife when we Reconned, and we still have flare ups here and there.
This right here is why we need a more active piecing board. Blu said something very, very similar on another poster's thread. That DBing in the sense of self improvement doesn't ever stop, because recon or not you will drag the same crappy habits into the next relationship, you will drag that emotional baggage of an A with you, you will take all that FOO trauma or terrible coping mechanisms with you. The boiler plate that some people are so against is the only thing keeping you moving forward, growing and healing.
Originally Posted by joejoe1
I just don't like the comments, that make it seems like we are somehow different because we reconned, it comes off as divisive and creates and divisions in the posters.
I honestly left that comment alone because I got kind of heated out of the gate reading it. And me typing when heated isn't a good thing. There's a reason there are multiple posters on the board. Perspective. Perspective is what gives a person the ability to see all sides and all avenues going forward. Without it it's bulldozing through life. And in this case it's bulldozing through a complex and difficult situation in which you shouldn't let your emotions drive. I've never seen a single reconned person say anything that wasn't empathetic to a person facing a D. Not once. Nor have I ever saw them encourage a person to remain married for any reason other than the LBS saying that's what they want. The concept that those of us trudging along in piecing are some how standing on a pedestal and looking down is either a projection or a misinterpretation of what is happening here.
All good thoughts on things JJ. I'll start posting in the piecing forum, and will kind of do what Steve and Blu do occasionally posting updates in the newbie section so they can get to my older threads.
