She's Gone Again - 10 Years On

[smilie]

Sorry man, I can relate. In the thick of my sitch I can remember the "WHY?" moments and, looking back now, the panic attacks. The shortness of breath, the rapid heart rate, the feeling of powerlessness.

I think it's the powerlessness that is the hardest to crawl back from as your power has been taken at a moments notice. Not only that she ensured that I couldn't support myself or instruct a lawyer by taking the savings. Thank god for Bitcoin, that's all I can say, only had a tiny bit, cashed that in and hired a lawyer. That one thing alone, helped me grab that tiny bit of control back.

Pounding heart, shakiness, cold tingles and lightheadedness - the worst!

What I can tell you is that it does get better. As you learn to accept that you have no control over her, her actions or her choices you will get better at letting go. Ironically, letting go is what sometimes gets the WAS to start questioning if the choice they are making is the right one. I can't say it will happen in your sitch for sure, but holding on for dear life certainly doesn't help!

Letting go is the process I am going through at the moment and after 19 years, it's painful. God knows how people manage being together longer. I notice from the start that I can't control, nor would I want to control her or what she does. All I have ever asked for is respect and fairness. I suppose it's natural to want to cling on to this white-knuckle ride, but 'overrn' has already suggested letting her go in, in my mind at least.[/quote]

Lots of WSs in particular want their cake and eat it too. They want to go off and do who knows what with who knows who, but have the LBS waiting in the wings in case they change their mind. When you start removing yourself as Plan B, sometimes they realize that Plan A is all that solid!

She will see this start happening over the next few days. I need to email her later agreeing to her suggestion to come and collect her things on 10 July (she never took anything with her). That will be 7 weeks since she left. I shall be pleasant, short and to the point.

My lawyer will be sending a letter to her lawyer paving the way forward over the next day or two. She wants to know if the wife will be filing for divorce and if so to submit a draft petition. She requests the remainder of the funds that were taken from the savings account (which was a legal claim money from a rogue dentists I saw) be returned immediately. Also she is to pay me interim expenses seeing as I haven't been able to work for 7 years and have been reliant on her income and that is to be a paid from 1st July.

So perhaps she'll start thinking differently knowing that she has to pay out almost the same as if she was living here, plus funding her new life. Who knows, I'm not expecting anything and the good thing is at this stage, I'm not threatening divorce and she is being invited to submit a draft petition, if that's what she wants to do.