She's Gone Again - 10 Years On

[MrBrside]

bearing in mind that it was an agreed boundary that was set during one of our counselling sessions 9 years back. The boundary was that if she goes again without any conversation or hint that anything was wrong, then she would basically be showing me that she no longer wanted the relationship and therefore I would give her what she wanted.

Hi Smilie,

anything you agree on is irrelivant. You can't control her, so just because she agrees something, doesnt mean she will respect / stick to it - as you are finding out.

Anything a WW says should be taken with a pinch of salt.

You saw what kind of person your WW was when you met - She was prepared to leave another lover for you - this in my eyes shows she doesnt respect boundaries - You ignored that red flag, and now its come full circle.

I know how you feel - because i ignored the same red flag with my WW ( she didnt leave a guy for me, but i found out approx 3 months into our relationship that 12 months prior to me, she had seen a married / engaged guy )

Seriously, no issues have been expressed by her ever in the 10 years since last time. Right up until the day before she left when I got wind that she was going to run again, we were living as a happy married couple. Sharing a bed, holding hands (outside and indoors), kissing, being affectionate and talking about our plans for the future.

Word of advice - dont try to figure this out. You will go crazy .

My WW was talking about another child days before she started flirting with a guy she met on a night out !.

There was probably resentment there - maybe a lack of respect - frustrations you werent aware of.

The OM came along and pressed the right buttons at the right time and wham - with her non existant boundaries for right and wrong ( which you knew about from previous cheating ) she is gone.

Don't spend time trying to establish would haves and could haves - Just focus on you.