She's Gone Again - 10 Years On

[SteveLW]

Do you think she may have had an affair 10 years ago as well? What does your gut tell you?

My gut tells me yes, it always has. However this was the first thing that I needed to be honestly answered a soon as we had counselling and prior to any other discussions talking place. She promised me (and the counsellor) multiple times as I was persistent, that there was nobody else involved. For some reason I just accepted this, but never believed it. I should have trusted my gut back then and now I can see it so clearly, together with her behaviour and what she did 10 years back. I can remember it like it was yesterday again.

I ask because occasionally we see sitches here where the WAS just has a penchant for cheating. As a TV psychologist I admire likes to say, relevant past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. I know sometimes our love for someone blinds us to their faults, but maybe this is who she is? Just a thought.

The good news is that none of that changes what you should be doing. Which I spoke to in my first post, and that you are well versed in having read DR.

Perhaps she is just a cheat, however we have always spent a lot of time together doing things together. It has amazed me how she has fitted in an affair. The only way she could have done this is to take days off work without me knowing. I kept saying to her that I am aware that she hasn't taken any days off work and that she needs to have a break. Huh! Unbenown to me, she was, more than likely! Days off with the OM and only a 15 minute walk from her office to home. I could have gone down to her work at any point and met her for lunch and found that she wasn't there. But that never happened and I can't work out how she has done this.

I have a former friend that cheated on her husband. One thing she told me once was that a cheater will go to extreme lengths to meet the affair partner. She admitted to going to get groceries, meeting get AP in the parking lot, having sex, then going into the store to shop for get family.

Then there is a couple friend from years ago, where he found out her "business trips" and trips for conferences were actually vacations with her AP. The point is, as you've realized, a cheater will find a way.