5 years pieced & COVID SIP has silver linings

[OnlyBent]

Wow, really your perspective is a little off IMO. The only thing that separates the LBS spouses that came back and the ones that didn't, is the choice of the WS. My Wife decided to give our Marriage another chance. That was her decision. Our relationship and M hasn't nothing to do with the tone of this forum.

Hey JJ, this was the point that I was trying to make. That the second chance is beyond our control.

My STBXW has been in a relationship with OM for over a year, since before she even moved out. She has not once looked back, blamed me for everything, threatened me with court and lied like it was going out of fashion. What would your advice be in this situation?

Now I haven't read your sitch but your W did the opposite, she gave you another chance. Obviously the advice would have been different because the signs were presumably different.

I just think that we need to understand that everyone here will have a different perspective because, whilst all these sitchs' have the same general issues, our experiences are all different and have shaped us differently.

Not one person was telling me I need to get a Divorce (Maybe LH). Any person that I can vaguely remember. I also had people on this Forum calling out my actions in the Marriage and how it contributed to the downfall of the M, even thou my wife had an Affair. I had Vets on here giving me great advice about detaching and taking responsibility for my actions inside the M. I has AS, explicitly hounding me to detach with love, and don't do anything towards Divorce until you know you are ready. I followed the advice of the Vets, I didn't argue or push back with what they were saying, I updated my thread with as much information as possible and as accurate as possible. And, I got a bunch of 2x4s to the head but none of it felt negative and none of it felt like attacks. Most of it felt like heart felt advice.

I would say that this was my experience as well. I have been called out when necessary and encouraged in the same way. I respect and appreciate any advice given, as someone has taken the time out of their life to try and help someone else. I have never felt a negative vibe or felt attacked, well maybe once, but it didn't bother me and others had my back anyway.

One of the reasons, I stopped posting as much, because, I didn't want my comments to come across as bragging or insensitive. My wife coming back hasn't always been great for me. I have struggled with staying in my Marriage, because Trust and loyalty is big for me. So, me saying that, I think could come across as insensitive for those, who WS haven't come back. But i wrestle with people in dire need of a person who's been thru where they have been and not coming across insensitive.

I understand what you're saying JJ and appreciate the consideration that you might come across as insensitive. I'm sorry that you are still struggling with your new M, I sincerely hope that things work out for the best.

My final word, and this is not directed to you JJ, would be that it is one thing to comment on the negative vibe here, but rather than comment on it and disappear, why not set the tone that you would like to see and repay all the help and care that was passed on to you. Be the change you want to see in the world type thing.