smilie, you have a leg up on a lot of LBSs as you've read DR and been through this before. So you should already know what you should be doing. That you need to back off and give the WAS space. That you need to focus on yourself. That you need to prepare yourself for either eventuality (that she comes back or she doesn't). I am assuming that since you are looking for a "resolution" that you are open to her coming back? (I ask because for some LBSs a PA is a dealbreaker and the LBS is not interested in reconciliation after a PA has occurred.)
Yes I am aware to work on myself and GAL. I previously had to keep in contact as she left with paperwork to sort out, and I needed the satnav which she had in her car, so we had to talk. NC now for a week, although she is waiting for me to respond to an email to agree a date when she can come and collect her belongings.
Not sure about wanting her back at this stage, as I am more certain now that she lied at marriage counselling 9 years ago and said that she wasn't having a PA. On and off she was gone for 9 months. This time she left, her behaviour was 100% the same as previously with the exception that she didn't take ANY belongings with her. So I'm thinking that the last 10 years has been built on the lie that she wasn't having an affair before. She fooled me and the counsellor if this is the case.
If she was having an affair 10+ years ago (which I think I am accurate on) is it the same person now and how long has it been going on for. Or, if it is not the same person, how many affairs has she had in the past 10 years where she hasn't wanted to set up life with the OM?
Not sure if I can get my head round that {if} she had an affair inside of a year of us being married, and this entire 10 years since has been living a lie, and she has no admitted and affair that I don't know how long it has been going on....I am not sure if I can come back from that as this, to me, is the ultimate betrayal, let alone the depth and longevity of the lies and deceit.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
