She's Gone Again - 10 Years On

[Traveler]

Hi Smile, if I'm reading correctly your STBXW has a habit of exit affairs, not just for closure but also because she can't tolerate being alone. You know this because that's how you two got together in the first place. The last time this happened you say she and her affair partner didn't work out, and she returned home.

She has stolen money from the saving account just after leaving.

If it's theft, report it to the police. In America, you might feel angry, but this would not be theft. A joint account is both peoples' property and, in a divorce settlement, both spouses would get an equal share. I point this out because sometimes we're quick to attribute someone's actions as villainy after a breakup.

I'm on the verge of giving her that wish as I promised I would if that's what she wanted and didn't come back home.

Making ultimatums and then not keeping them is a weak behavior that reduces her trust in your words. I'd still value WHAT YOU WANT more than A PROMISE TO A CHEATER. Since you asked if there's hope, I assume you are not certain you want a divorce. Opt for boundaries instead of ultimatums in the future. Since a boundary controls your behavior, not hers, they rarely require an advance announcement. That's a good litmus test for Boundaries vs. Ultimatums. There's a thread on the topic here with more info.

Is there any hope for resolution seeing as this is the second time around Bearing in mind we were good for 10 years and I thought there was no issue.

The biggest red flag to me is you say you thought there was "no issue". I was shocked my XGF walked out on me, and my XW was shocked I walked out on her, but in both cases issues had been expressed. It's hard to imagine an issue-free relationship. It's easier to imagine one where one or both parties give up on expressing issues and allow resentment to build. When did this "no issue" period begin? What were her issues just before it began? Why did you both stop talking about and working on those issues?

When she last split, what were her issues, and what 180s did you make? Did you keep-up with those?

When she last split, did you GAL, and did you keep-up with those friends/habits you built?

Did intimacy stop or slow significantly? It doesn't always, but this is often a good indicator of problems. If physical intimacy was always poor, this can also point to a 180 or moving on, depending on the cause.

OBVIOUSLY, she is AT LEAST 50% responsible for the demise of the relationship, and she's the one having a 3rd exit affair. If there was never any warning she was unhappy, even after therapy last time, imho the hope for a faithful relationship seems dimmer, even if you two reconcile.