The one thing I really struggle with is not going by myself (I’m good company!) it’s wishing he could be the person that wants to come, too.
Yes going out solo is a struggle. For years and years you and H did things together, and now not.
My first “big” solo outing was a nice steak diner. I don’t recall exactly when, although I did write about it here, I think. Lol. Anyhow, meals out, going to the restaurant, was a family thing. W and I, and usually the kids too. Sure we’d individually grab a burger or some such fast food if we were out for the day shopping or some such. However, a planned meal, an outing, well that was a family thing.
This meal happened early on in my journey and I was still very unsure and full of doubts. Divorced guy, having a meal alone, lol, it felt like I had some mark branded into me that screamed out at everyone. Of course, in reality no one really notices that much.
Still, one of the steps along the path. Letting go. Living and enjoying one’s life.
And yes, the wishing one’s spouse wanted to join you. That’s a hard one to let go of.
Originally Posted by PLC
We finally have resources to have fun and I’m doing all of these things that I know he’d enjoy. This makes me sad and I hate that it does because he has disconnected and gone places without me without a look back.
I know what you mean.
MLC happens at mid life. Right when our lives are smoothing out - kids are grown, bills are mostly paid, money is not the problem it once was. And then, Boom!, not so smooth, D, custody issues, money problems, etc.
Focus on you. It’s ok to realize that which H once used to enjoy. Do not let it keep you from living and enjoying those times. Go out for a steak dinner (as an example) (hmmm, perhaps I should not type when I’m hungry. )
If daughter gets a job in Europe, for sure go visit her. And do it sans H. He has a ways to go yet. Besides anyone who just stays in his room isn’t getting dragged along on a airplane ride across the globe, IMHO.
I think you are correct that H is looking for you to explode and push things along. Time and space. And let him do the heavy lifting. You know this is a marathon and not a sprint. Focus on you and live your life. When/if H wants to join you he can find the courage to ask (he has before).
Originally Posted by PLC
I know I have hope inside, otherwise I wouldn’t be standing
Who or what are you standing for? You or H?
Hope is a power force. Standing for you, as odd as this will sound, transcends hope. Standing for you lives in the realm of beliefs. That actually reinforces hope. For if one stands hopeful, then when hope wanes so does one’s reason to stand.
Have hope, and stand. Two separate items. You will still stand for you when all is hopeless, and in that act, hope renews.
It a nice sunny day here. Hoping it is a pleasant day there as well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
