[SteveLW]

Hey Steve,

I figured I would chime in with my .02

I was once in your shoes about 14 years ago. Coming out of a painful divorce with a looney bipolar (diagnosed) ex wife. I tried for months to save my marriage, I was a mess for a long time.

Then I met her. A gorgeous woman at work. She checked all the boxes I was looking for. Christian - check. Family oriented - check. Ambitious - check. Loyal - check. Physically attractive and fit - check. Looking back, I didn't stay single long enough to process my stuff, I was still broken even though I didn't feel broken.

This woman blew my ex out of the water! We started dating and she admired the hell out of me. We got along great, we had things in common, we worked out together, amazing sex. You get the point.

We started making plans for our future. We talked about kids, a house, which churches we liked in the area. Like you, I literally thought that God himself had put this woman in my life for a reason. All the signs were there, this was God's doing.

Things were awesome for about a year (you know, the honeymoon phase right?). Then some of my old broken behaviors started popping up, and she started to show red flags as well. 3 years later, after working so hard to make things work, we split up. Again, I was devastated. Except this time it was worse, wanna know why? Because what I didnt know was that I never processed the end of my marriage, I was now mourning two broken relationships.

Let me tell you man... mourning the end of a marriage is tough for anyone. But throw another 4 year broken relationship with the woman that God had sent me on top of it, was almost unbearable.

Ive been where you are, learn from my mistake and don't have a repeat broken relationship because you never spent the time alone processing your stuff.

Out of all the responses this was the most helpful. That is a concern I have, things seems so great. She checks all the boxes, is not in the same leauge as my ex not even in the same sport, way above. This to me seems sometimes alarming. My friends, family, even the kids (what little they have heard) and the ex and even the in laws all approve of my "moving on" and so on. I am torn between just cutting it off and being alone for longer for the sake of being alone and processing the M ending, or continuing on carefully because I do see that if I can keep my emotions in check, keep on working on myself and my bad habits and so on, this girl might be a really good partner for me. (so far she is great).

I dont have trust issues with her or communication issues. I know something will come up NO relationship is perfect. I think right now im okay since she is far off and if things are gonna fizzle they can fizzle, if they are really meant to be then the distance will help prove that. So im okay with continuing on but I dont want to hurt her, myself or my kids just to be with "someone" I guess now that she is in my life and I look forward to seeing where this goes, I just want to figure out how to move forward in a way that will be the most respectful, healthy and logical way while giving her a shot. She is a great gal. I do believe god put her in my life, I am just not sure for what exactly yet.

Please take LH up on his advice to go read Wolfman's threads. He too met the perfect girl almost immediately on giving up on his WAW. And it had caused all kinds of issues for him. His kids are older, but trust me, your kids aren't missing as much as you think.