So let me get this straight you're GF is a good Christian girl who hasn't been married, has no kids, and is in nursing school right now. So how much younger than you is she?
I know you think you know you and everything is fine. And the kids are fine. And exW is fine. And exW's new beau is fine. The exIL's are fine. And new GF are fine. It's not fine. Literally none of this seems fine except maybe ex-wife doing pretty much what I would expect her to do.
You don't drag your kids into your first post D relationship within weeks. It's been weeks. This is just god awful parenting. Yeah your new at this but this is pretty common sense stuff. My daughter knew my now H. She had been around him for years as we had been friends. She was also 10 almost 11 at the time not 5, and I still waited 5 months to bring him around outside of normal group interactions that she would expect him to be there for and I definitely didn't start spilling my guts about my shiny new bf who wasn't her dad. It's weird. It's caustic behavior. And as a psych nurse I would think you would understand how confusing and traumatic this time in their lives are. You don't need to muddy it more with another side plot.
As far as exW and exIL's. I'm very close with my exIL's. They have done a lot for me and my daughter as I was a teenager when I had her. Granted I think some of that in later years was guilt over how poorly their son treated us. But most if of it is simply that they are good people and family is forever. They check on my grandparents. They were so supportive when my mom passed. They just brought me and my husband a housewarming gift and wanted a tour of the new house when they came to pick up D18. We have and have had a very healthy happy relationship. But when I left my ex, in the process of the D, and immediately after the D we kept our distance. Only spending time together if it was specifically related to my daughter. Because that's what's normal. Breathing room is expected and necessary at this time in your life. It's weird you're not taking it.
My exH has unmedicated mental health issues. He's a functioning addict/alcoholic. He treated me like crap and in turn I was a horribly toxic person because frankly I was too scared, too broke, and too hopeful for my own good to just leave so lashed out in awful ways. We are not friends. We will never be friends. But we are friendly. Our daughter just graduated high school and we enjoyed each other's company during the ceremony. But you can't imagine the sigh of relief I felt when he decided he was driving back home an hour away instead of coming to dinner with us. Not because I can't stand him, but the veneer wears off. He will grate my nerves if we start exceeding 4 hours. Because he's just as crappy a person as he ever was. He's just not in my space any more. He checks in on D18 regularly. Sends me funny meme occasionally. But that's pretty much it. I have friends. I don't need him as one. And once again in the immediate period of the D we did not hang out. We did not send funny memes. We were not friendly. That first year ee functioned on business only at all times.
You are incredibly enmeshed in this family and with your stbxw. You need to get your co-dependency in check. An you really shouldn't be in a relationship with some 20 something who's looking for a husband. None of this has a happy ending for anyone involved here.
It's your life. Do what you will. But nothing you're saying makes any sense for the emotional health of anyone important here. I really truly do hope you're in IC.
