I think it is fair for me to say just let me have him.
Do not agree, argue or debate anything.
Wolf: "I believe it is best to stick with the court order agreements. I will pick him up from school and have him at PS at the agreed time, wolf."
If she picks him up or shows up or whatever, she is in contempt. Document everything.
Good luck
That’s exactly what I was going to do and say. No argue, no debate, just sticking to the divorce stipulation and ask for my son to just stay with me instead of the 2 visits to the police station. And yes, if she does show up I will file a police report for the contempt. I hate to be like this but unfortunately I have no choice.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Communication Figure out what kind of person I am currently dealing with. Respond to each type completely different: 1) Wise people listen, so talking to them works. 2) When dealing with foolish people, stop talking and set limits and consequences. 3) If the person is behaving evil, let lawyers and law enforcement deal with them.
Remember, 55% of the message is conveyed visually through body language and facial expressions, 38% is expressed vocally by my tempo, tone and inflections and only 7% verbally through my words. Before speaking, assure all 3V’s are congruent to avoid confusing the listener.
My words carry great weight, use them wisely. Be impeccable with my word. I choose my words which I speak to others. With clear communication, people will give me all of the information I need and I won’t have to make assumptions. Ping-Pong conversations; don’t hold the ball too long.
One of the secrets to a good relationship is learning to distinguish between the important issues to express my feelings about and the petty ones to let slide by. Commit to being honest and clear with lots of compassion (kind but true). My sense of concern for the person must be integrated with the truth of what I need to say. Be in approach motivation most of the time. Tell how I feel and why. Respond when I am ready. Stick to self control statements. Stick to my desires. Reiterate what I will do or not do and let them be angry.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I think it is fair for me to say just let me have him.
Do not agree, argue or debate anything.
Wolf: "I believe it is best to stick with the court order agreements. I will pick him up from school and have him at PS at the agreed time, wolf."
If she picks him up or shows up or whatever, she is in contempt. Document everything.
Good luck
This is exactly what I was going to reply. Given their adversarial relationship, I was confused by the attempt to debate. If one simply and consistently reaffirms the agreement it’s also easier to prove violations.
. I suggested instead of that, I pick him up from school and just keep him for the weekend. By the time she picks him up from the police station and gets home she is there for 20 minutes to just drive him back. I think it is fair for me to say just let me have him.
Your wording is what gave me concern. “Suggested” and “It is fair” aren’t words that have any business in the enforcement of a custody agreement. Enforcement doesn’t involve negotiation.
Please note, if you agreed to 3:45-5:00, you agreed to 3:45-5:00 even if it no longer seems fair or makes sense given she only gets 20min with him after the police precinct tax. Abiding by all agreed terms is wise.
This is my response, what do you all think? I do not agree and will not adhere to your proposal. I will pick up S at 3:00pm from school tomorrow as per divorce decree. To avoid S going to the precinct twice, I can pick him up from school and keep him from then on for my weekend visitation. Let me know if you are in agreement to my proposal. How is that?
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I’d stick to, “No, I will pick up S at 3:00pm from school tomorrow as per divorce decree.”
Originally Posted by Wolf
To avoid S going to the precinct twice, I can pick him up from school and keep him from then on for my weekend visitation. Let me know if you are in agreement to my proposal.
I’d just state and do whatever your agreement says. If it requires to precinct visits, make two precinct visits. You two are not on good enough teens to negotiate. I’m surprised there are no orders prohibiting you two from talking directly.
CW said EXACTLY what I was going to say. You are not in a place to negotiate. Stick STRICTLY to divorce agreement terms and document any fluctuations from that agreement. You say what you think would be fair for you to ask for (just keeping your son since she'd only actually have about 20 minutes with him), but that is YOUR perspective. She's clearly not going to see that as being fair to her at all. I'm not saying it is or isn't, my point is, divorce agreements are signed by both parties and legally binding so, at least for now, you need to be toeing that line and follow the agreement to the letter. Let her be the one to slip up or overstep and eventually she'll get caught. I think it is Andrew who talks about keeping his own side of the street "clean". Do that!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Wolf, wishing you a Happy Father’s Day! I hope you navigated the weekend pickup well enough to get to spend the whole day tomorrow with your son doing something you both enjoy. You have a baby, too! There is a lot to be thankful about amidst the chaos of what isn’t ideal. You certainly put in effort. (:
