“Love is playful and fun. Love is freedom. Love is allowing. Love is giving without expectations or attachment to any outcome. Being unattached to any outcome does not mean there is a lack of desire, it just means that you are not hijacked and controlled by your desire. You are simply okay with any and all outcomes because you have faith that eventually, the right person or the right opportunity will effortlessly manifest after consistent effort to make your desires a reality. Self-love means that you want what’s best for you and you want and will only accept those who want you also. Why? Because it is demeaning, degrading and disrespectful to yourself to try to keep those in your life who don’t want to keep you in theirs. Self-love is choosing to only spend your time where you are celebrated, cherished and welcome, instead of where you are simply tolerated.” LH19
I'm not disagreeing with you.
My personal belief is that M is a commitment above LOVE.
The following works best when perhaps you are limerant... but true love, deep love is not the feelings of butterflies or the lack of being able to go to sleep. There is a deeper level of love that is reached only by time and commitment. Marriage is not without problems or sacrifice. Marriage is not about liking or loving everything about your partner every day...
There was a very significant study done almost 2 decades ago showing married couples who were struggling in the M and considering D were much happier 5 years later and grateful they made the effort to stay together... at the moment I am unable to direct quote.
I think the biggest thing that needs to be addressed on this board is that feelings change all the time... No one person knows what another will feel next week, next year or in 5 years. Of course feelings change all the time! The person who committed to you above all others now suddenly is saying they never loved you... and over time that person may come back stating that they do love you and want only you... and then perhaps now its you who's feelings have changed to not want them anymore. Feelings change all the time.
Everyone has choices... from the person who left the marriage to person who chose to stand.
Right now my STBXH has more issues with the idea of M than issues with me. Those are his issues to work out. Mine are to keep focusing on myself and moving forward.
