But there are many here who want to put their personal convictions upon you. I'm not looking to single anyone out but lets say there is someone who says... never take a cheater back... YET most of us here are experiencing some form of that... then they like to draw lines in the sand... well never take a PA back... yet, then many a point can be made that often times EA's can be more damaging than PA's. So their advice is heavily handed with their own personal convictions which may not be yours.
I believe you are referring to Steve. He views EAs different to PAs. He has a right to do that. It doesn't mean they have to be your beliefs.
Of course... he is free to what he believes but post after post on many peoples thread... his constant theme was NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER... can't understand why anyone here would take back a cheater.
THIS^^^ is NOT in line with MWD principles AND I think the number of times it was posted ((and not just my thread)) was extremely harmful to those here looking for options/hope/direction.
For that reason his personal conviction should be put aside if he is on a board where that is NOT an outlined principle.
Sorry, this is not true. Yes, I make a distinction between an EA and PA. That is true. But I do not tell others that they should not take back a cheating spouse because I wouldn't. The only time I've said this is when the LBS stated that a PA was a deal-breaker for them and their cheating spouse knew that. You do not give up your boundaries just because it was crossed!
What I have said is that you cannot work on a MR with someone that is ACTIVELY in an affair with another person! This is the dichotomy that think you are missing. I have said to you and others that you need to be moving forward with your life because your STBX is ACTIVELY CHEATING, leaving you for the the OP, and moving in with them! You cannot save a MR like that.
Now there have been lots of sitches here (Wayfarer's is one!) where the cheating spouse came back, was remorseful, was willing to do what the LBS required, was wanting like crazy to work on the MR, and do whatever they could to help the LBS get over the betrayal, and I've never once told those LBSs not to take their spouse back. In fact, I have been active in wayfarer's thread about getting her the help she needs to move past his past infidelity!
So the statements above are not reflective of my advice on this forum. As LH said, every situation is different. new Steve's sitch is a perfect example where the general thinking on the forum was that he shouldn't be open to ever taking a 7 time cheater back! But that doesn't apply to all cheated on LBS' situations.
Last edited by SteveLW; 06/15/2107:59 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
