I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD pt 30

[KitCat]

But there are many here who want to put their personal convictions upon you. I'm not looking to single anyone out but lets say there is someone who says... never take a cheater back... YET most of us here are experiencing some form of that... then they like to draw lines in the sand... well never take a PA back... yet, then many a point can be made that often times EA's can be more damaging than PA's. So their advice is heavily handed with their own personal convictions which may not be yours.

I believe you are referring to Steve. He views EAs different to PAs. He has a right to do that. It doesn't mean they have to be your beliefs.

Of course... he is free to what he believes but post after post on many peoples thread... his constant theme was NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER... can't understand why anyone here would take back a cheater.

THIS^^^ is NOT in line with MWD principles AND I think the number of times it was posted ((and not just my thread)) was extremely harmful to those here looking for options/hope/direction.

For that reason his personal conviction should be put aside if he is on a board where that is NOT an outlined principle.

IDK what would have made my situation better. Here I am 16months out and he still makes some kind of contact every 9 days. I probably might have been better served a year ago to stop contact but there were still several business items that needed to be addressed. I'm 100% certain had I cut all contact I would be D right now. I'm certain that the way I handled things has bought myself time... 16mo I'm still not D. That's more time for him to figure out that his current lifestyle is the bomb or maybe not so much.

I think if you were D'd it would help you move on. I think you are back in denial again. You had a very toxic relationship that would most likely need many years of intense therapy to fix. NC is for your detachment.

I am NOT contacting my STBXH to chat about the price of gold in Spain.

My contact is limited to business items.

Now - I did make the choice to respond to his non-business text. I allow my STBXH speak to me of m stepkids and vice versa. The puppy has been managed and unless an emergency or he asks me to pet sit there won't be any more contact over that in a year. He has alternatives for pet sitters... I do know this. But, that dog means a great deal to me.

No one has a crystal ball. Where would I be if I was already D??? Probably in a relationship that I should not be... so here I am... 16months and no D. STBXH has had the D paperwork for 3 weeks. Its in his court.

What I can say with 100% certainly is that he doesn't hate me. If I had an emergency and needed to contact him - he would answer ---- now please know I'm not contacting him unless its a business matter so really I'm not contacting him at all.

Most WWs don't hate their exs. They just don't want to be married anymore. I am sure he would help you if you needed it. He's indifferent.

Funny... when he was here to pick up the dog. He made a point of discussing how his XW was at his mother's bday party... he was NOT pleased. He HATES her.

I think I'd rather have what I have now... than to think he hates me.

But, I think that says more about who I am as a person. I have so many guys who I've stayed in contact with who were guys who wanted to date me or vice versa... I can't think of anyone who I just don't talk to anymore save my son's father and pilot... those are truly the only 2 in 50yr.

[quote]

I know the random texts/pics he sent when on vacation with her... were breadcrumbs... so I made sure to send them right back! What I can say with 100% certainty is that both times he was on a wonderful vacation with HER... he was contacting me because he was thinking about me.

What you are are doing is displaying low value. I 'm surprised with your research you don't see it.

I have accepted where he is at right now.

Have you? [/qutoe]

My responding to a text that he sent is not stating I'm low value.

Me contacting him over non-business items... stating I miss him... does he miss me... does he think about me... can we try again.

^^^That states low value.

I have accepted where he is at --- He sent me pictures while on vacation. Doesn't mean he wants me back. Just means for whatever reason he thought about reaching out.